Hiya, just seen i was tagged in this post, but I was busy for a few days and missed it. So apologies.

Where to begin ...

It's difficult not to be disheartened at the beginning. You come into this journey not really knowing what to expect, what to do, which things to say to your partner and so on. It can become a pit of despair early on. As far as understanding your partner, the best piece of advice i learned along the way was, just to listen to her. Don't try to be superman. I tried to do everything for her. I felt hopeless. Eventually, i began to annoy her, and truth be told, i was annoying myself. I sank into a pit of despair, because i felt hopeless being in what seemed like a hopeless situation. You will never be able to control the situation, so don't waste much emotional energy trying to control something you can't. What you can control is being there for her when you need to be there for her. By that, i mean listening to her. If she needs chummed to an appointment, tag along with her, if she just needs a good cry or to vent, just be that person she can rely on to be that person.

My wife's initial diagnosis was pretty grim insofar as "good" diagnoses went. She was literally worst case scenario as far as stage 3 went. The tumours were large as far as breast cancer is concerned, and it was in her lymphs. Add to that, it was aggressive as aggressive could be. Like i alluded to above, inwardly, i felt disheartened and began sinking that bit deeper into that pit. I began to compensate by becoming overbearing. I was acting like i was some sort of super hero.

You're at this weird point. You have the diagnosis, and know what you're dealing with. But you as the carer now have this time on your hands to sit and overthink stuff. That "stuff" is usually to do with things the doctors don't even know. You'll be overthinking everything. try not to do that. Go for walks so you can at least attempt to put things in perspective for 10 mins. That's 10 mins of you feeling like you that you won't get sitting in the house.

Anyway, the thing i learned the most about cancer, cancer is a fluid thing. What you think you know today isn't what you will know tomorrow. It works both way. What is overbearing or seems like bad news today, can become something you take comfort in tomorrow. My wife was initially down for a full mastectomy, then tomorrow happened and she had achieved a full response to the chemotherapy, and everything was downgraded. She ended up getting a lumpectomy, and she's been cancer free for 2 or so years now. The odds she received of it returning during the first two years were initially very high. But after her treatment, they went down to being miniscule. This is why i can't overemphasise the need to look at a cancer diagnosis as anything but it being a fluid type of illness. What you think you know today, isn't what you may think tomorrow.

I wish you and your wife all the best. Always remember, the part you will play in this is every bit as important as her part in this story. so look after yourself too. You need her, she needs you.

Thanks for this ProfBaw.

There have been some days where I had felt desperate and this was down to the uncertainty of not knowing and waiting around but the one thing that I dio know that is my wife will now be able to start the first round of her chemotherapy next Tuesday on 26th March and will continue to have treatment as to whether it is chemotherapy or debaulking surgery for the next 6 months or so. It may be fortunate (unfortunate that she has got cancer at all) that she has the most common type of ovarian type of ovarian cancer but she has been told by her oncologist that this type is treatble with 3 different chemotherapy drugs that will have a 3 pronged attack on the cancer. The fact that she had got stage 3 was advised by the doctor that this is used to determine her treatment programme.

Although it is a relieft that the treatment is starting, it does bring in new unertainities but I think that I will be able to deal with this myself given that I have more factual information about the treatment and what to look out for but my wife is also relieved in one way but still suffering from a level anxiety not so much about the cancer but waiting for the treatment to start. Despite the tough road ahead in the short term, I hope to look back on this at the back end of this year and say that between us that we had both got through this together.

Thanks for this ProfBaw.

There have been some days where I had felt desperate and this was down to the uncertainty of not knowing and waiting around but the one thing that I dio know that is my wife will now be able to start the first round of her chemotherapy next Tuesday on 26th March and will continue to have treatment as to whether it is chemotherapy or debaulking surgery for the next 6 months or so. It may be fortunate (unfortunate that she has got cancer at all) that she has the most common type of ovarian type of ovarian cancer but she has been told by her oncologist that this type is treatble with 3 different chemotherapy drugs that will have a 3 pronged attack on the cancer. The fact that she had got stage 3 was advised by the doctor that this is used to determine her treatment programme.

Although it is a relieft that the treatment is starting, it does bring in new unertainities but I think that I will be able to deal with this myself given that I have more factual information about the treatment and what to look out for but my wife is also relieved in one way but still suffering from a level anxiety not so much about the cancer but waiting for the treatment to start. Despite the tough road ahead in the short term, I hope to look back on this at the back end of this year and say that between us that we had both got through this together.

Hi, mate. Bear in mind, my wife had breast cancer, and your wife is dealing with OC. Thus, her chemo might have differing effects. Things we wished we knew beforehand.

1)Chemo tends to be accumulative in nature. Meaning the first 1-3 cycles might give you a false sense of security as far as side effects go. My wife thought her first chemos were a breeze, but gradually felt more of an impact as treatments wore on. 

2) A misconception a lot of people have is to do with sleeping habits. We went into this thinking people with cancer slept a lot. My wife suffered awful insomnia. This is mainly caused by hormone treatments and steroids 

3) About steroids. Your wife may undergo a personality change for a day or 3 each cycle. Steroids made my wife very argumentative. We argued a lot. Long walks became my best friend. 

4) Do her a favour and either buy a soft toothbrush or a bona fide baby toothbrush beforehand. Don't be like me that had to go to Tesco at ridiculous o'clock during the night to get one. Chemo can affect the oral cavity badly. Should any gum or other oral issues arise, get them seen to pronto. Those can stop people from eating and drinking. 

5) Lastly. The best thing you can purchase for your wife is a digital in-ear thermometer. Those things can literally save a life. Saved my wife more than twice. Got to watch carefully for infections. Funnily, she grew to despise the thing, but she will be the first to admit it saved her on more than one occasion.

As far as the worrying goes, your wife will begin to worry less as the treatment begins because she'll become focused on that. Whereas, you may still worry because you'll still have all this time to sit and think.