Hi Woody2016, I'm very sorry to hear this.  Do you think you are overwhelmed because of your house move as well?  I was diagnosed last month with breast cancer and was worried about telling my 23 year old Daughter as I knew she wouldn't cope well with it due to some mental health issues she has.  If she felt as you do I would want her to tell me though.  Can you talk to your Mum about this? I'm sure distancing yourself is just going to make your Mum feel worse.  You could also try one of the helplines like Macmillan for example and ask to speak to someone about how you feel - I believe they are not just for people who have cancer but also people who are finding it hard to cope with loved ones who have cancer.

I really hope you feel better soon x

Thank you for replying to me, I’m sorry you were diagnosed with this, it’s awful, did you tell your daughter?

I don't want to hurt my mum, I have 5 brothers and sisters, one of my brothers is in complete denial about everything, my two sisters are coping very well in front of my mum, not so well behind her back and my brother is coming home next week from Australia I am not sure how he is going to be, when I speak to him he just seems to be trying to justify everything and make out like it's ok.

I just keep crying, even when speaking to her on the phone, hearing her voice upsets me and she is being really strong and positive in front of her children, I feel like me talking about how I am feeling will bring her down, her seeing me cry will make her sad and this is about her, in the grand scheme of things my feelings aren’t important and I don’t want her to feel any worse than she already does.

I don’t want to avoid her, but I feel like her seeing me in a state will not be good for her. I don’t know what to do. She is frightened, she has just got tablets for anxiety as she is having panic attacks, she puts on a front for the family though.

I am wondering if I should go to counselling, if I can let my feelings out there then hopefully, I will feel better and will be able to face my mum.

I’m heartbroken, she is the best mum, she loves her family so much and this just seems so unfair on her. I am scared for lots of reasons, but mainly I can’t stand the idea of what must be going through her head.

Thank you. x

My mum was similar she knew that she needed tests/scans etc and was going through all of this for a few weeks but waited till it was confirmed before telling us. I asked my mum to be completely truthful going forward as I wanted to be able to prepare myself for anything & also to be there for her if she needed anything at all – albeit I am pretty useless at the moment if she needed anything i'd be there right away. 

Again, thank you for replying, I will look into counselling.

Take care x