Hi All,

I wanted to post on here so I could increase my knowledge in order to support my dad better through this tough time.

My dad has just been diagnosed (64 years old) with Stage 4 Mid Rectal cancer. We found the tumour during a colonoscopy following a positive FIT test - he had been suffering with blood in his stool and constantly feeling the urge to go to the toilet for 18 months and gets a tingly sensation running down from his hips to thighs when feeling that urge, but never completed the FIT test and never went to the doctors until recently. Since then he has had two colonoscopies, a CT scan, MRI scan and a virtual colonoscopy.

So far, this is what we are dealing with: T4, N1C (spread to local common iliac node) and M0 (possible 3mm indeterminate left lower lung nodule but this wasn’t discussed, only on his report) - however they have diagnosed it at Stage 4 due to the fact that the local common iliac lymph node is attacked, meaning so is his blood supply, so they are treating it as Stage 4, as the cancer cells can travel in the blood stream and possibly spread to other organs. 

He is due to start Chemotherapy for 3 months, twice a week with 5FU and Oxaliplatin. Then, have a CT and MRI scan. He will then start Radiotherapy for 5/6 weeks, this will be given to him 5 days a week. After the Radiotherapy, he will have a 7/8 week break, have repeated scans and if the tumour has shrunk, then surgery to remove the tumour. They also said he would have an ileostomy bag temporarily for 12 months to allow the rectum to heal.

I’m just not quite sure what to say or do, or what to expect - ie side effects of treatment, how he will feel.. he’s a very independent and head-strong person who hates going to the doctors, hence why it was left so long. I’m worried he’s not going to be able to cope and will struggle with all the treatment he needs…

I’m also losing my job because I have had to relocate to London and my director won’t allow me to work remotely - I’m scared to go and get a job outside whilst we are living together, as I want to physically be there to support him and I do not want to bring in any infections for him. I’m not sure what to do work wise now - it’s all a mess!

I was wondering whether anyone has had similar experiences, or could at least advise me on what to expect, or what to do to help him and myself going forwards please?

Thank you.