Hi Nette 17

I am so very sorry for you and your family. Please be assured that you definitely haven't let your mum down.  Cancer doesn't discriminate and your mum's diagnosis has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm sure is the wonderful care that you have given to your mum.

Firstly you need to take a moment along with the rest of your family to fully absorb the situation. I'm sure that you're all in a state of shock right now. 

Secondly talk to your mum about what she wants. I for example want to go to a hospice at the end to save my family the trauma of caring for me. They can stay with me there without the worry of providing care. Your mum may want to remain in her home. If possible arrange for your siblings to be present when you have this conversation so that you are all on the same page and nobody can say that they "didn't know". You can then discuss as a family ongoing care/support for your mum and one another. You'll also need to determine funeral requirements. Listen to your mum. She'll no doubt want what's best for you all as her children. Adults or not you're still her babies and she'll want to protect you and no doubt feel guilty about putting this on your shoulders especially with the situation with your dad.

In terms of what to expect as your mum deteriorates for want of a better word then speak to her cancer nurse or phone the nurses on this forum or Macmillan. They can offer guidance and assistance on that situation. 

If your mum is relatively well at the moment cherish your time with her and make the most of your time with her. 

I'm sure other people on the forum can offer you further advice as I'm sure I've missed something out and for that I apologise but I read your post and felt heartbroken for you ( knowing that my own son's will be in a similar situation in the future ) and wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug. Use the forum for support or to rant when needed. It's great for those and if your mum hasn't already used it herself she might benefit from coming on and seeking answers or support for herself.

Take care of yourself too. It's easy to forget yourself in such a devastating situation so ensure that you have someone to offload onto.

Let me know how you get on and again big hugs to you .

Barb xx