Hi everyone,

so I was diagnosed in September 2022 with Triple Negative Breast Cancer and normal nodes but also stage 1 and DCIS I had all the normal things mammogram biopsy and scans and after starting Chemotherapy in September I had several severe panic attacks and the chemo was stopped..

my consultants decided surgery would be better then radiotherapy.

But on Thursday 11th January 2023 I went in at 7.30am and was still waiting around so didn't get into theatre till 10.45am ..

I had my physiological team with me as the panic and anxiety had got so bad .. I been under them a while after I had agoraphobia for two years after my son was stillborn at 36 weeks. 

I got onto the theatre trolley laid down had the cannula put in and then had a massive meltdown .. I feel so bad that I didn't go through with it ..

now been told there is cancer cells in 1 lymph node but they going to take them all out .. I'm fine with this but cause they worried I won't be able to do two surgeries I've been told I'll now be having a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy.. I tried again on 26th January and didn't even get on the ward !! The anxiety was horrendous..

Im happy to say my 3rd attempt on 9th February was successful and I had a simple mastectomy with 36 lymph nodes also removed.. Im seeing my surgeon on Wednesday for the results.

BUT 
I really want my life back it's been on hold for 6 months and I'm scared the cancer will spread and that'll be it .. im only 42 and have 3 children. My anxiety has calmed down but im sure im having some depression now
 

Im currently in some discomfort due to the arm pit but the chest area is absolutely fine except I can not lay on my sides at all. 
I also need to shave or wax the armpit as it's not great as you can imagine after 2 weeks but not sure what I can or can't use ? 
 

sorry for the rant just glad to literally get it off my chest !!