Hi All,

I've known I have breast cancer for about 3 weeks. I have some results back and know it's a 4.5cm (grade 3) tumour. I know it's oestrogen negative nothing more at this stage. My treatment plan is chemo, surgery, radiation which I'm seeing is quite common.

I have a ten year and a ten week old. I had a kidney infection not long after having my baby and the lower back pain has persisted and is quite extreme but not constant. I had a section so I know this can cause that. I had an ultra sound on my kidney and "nothing worrying" was observed. I also have a really sore elbow/arm which started with a very over enthusiastic bottle shake/mix about 3 weeks ago. My CT is tomorrow and I am physically sick with fear as to the results. 
 

My breast nurse says she fully expects it to come back clear from what they know now; which is that I am lucky in that my lymph nodes "look normal" from the ultrasound. 
 

I just can't shake the feeling that it's in my spine, arms .....I'm trying to be rational but I think the voices are winning today. We have to tell our daughter tomorrow that I have cancer and I just can't bear to end her innnocence. 
 

I am looking for reassurance that I know you can't give but I had to get this out before I explode. My partner is really struggling and so I am pretending to be far more "at ease" than I actually am x