After a bout if viral illness I had found a painful lump in the upper chest which my gp referred me tp the breast clinic. 

After being told it wasn't likely to be anything, they did an ultrasound - said it look suspicious and one lymph node looked a bit bigger than it ought too. Biopsy and clip the lump but not the lymph node. 

Mammogram abnormal. 

Consultant said that said he still wasn't convinced but biopsy has confirmed grade 2 invasive lobular breast cancer. Said it was early and small  2.4cm

An MRI has now said it is larger (expected with lobular) and likely multifocal. 10cm. 2 lymph nodes enlarged needing biopsy which I'm waiting for. The waiting is tormenting me.  

I feel like my whole world has collapsed overnight and a busy job i love. I have 2 young children who I'm now terrified I will not see the grow up. I cannot stop crying and cannot sleep.

Since the biospy 2 weeks ago my right chest and shoulder have become quite painful and tense my BCN has said it could be reactive to the biopsy and clip. I'm terrified that it has spread as I'm convinced that my lymph nodes are now involved.

My lovely husband has been wonderful but his answer to my fear is to be positive and stop crying and I don't want to pile more onto my parents as they are both devastated.  I'm desperately trying to hide my tears from my beautiful children.

My gp has given me diazepam to help me sleep but struggling in the daytimes to cope.