hello Kris,

                  its a hard period of your life you find yourself in, and there is no denying that it takes an awful lot from you to make the adjustment to the new you.

Its a path well trodden by so many, and the admission price for the chance of a second life.Difficult to see at the outset, but as time moves on you gain a sharper focus and distinction on the trivia on the periphary and the important things you bring into your new existence.

For my part it was loss and gain.Firstly the BAD, l gained neuropathy in my feet from Chemo and lost my ability to father children thanks to radiotherapy. To balance things then came the GOOD ,the bullet of stage 4 bowel with spread to the liver that l dodged. The life l now lead and my heightened appreciation of the good things that surround me, waking up each morning welcoming each day like a precious gift received for the very first time, so many joy's in each day..Contentment that had eluded me previously in a manic existence that barely recognised the important wonderfulness that surrounded me.

It was not always like this, at the start , like yourself, the upset of such drastic change to your body and mourning the loss of a part of you, can make you feel so distraught, and coming to terms with that is a journey  of acceptance that takes time to travel. You do get there and then you realise there are new destinations open to you that you would never have seen previously, having shed the blinkers of a former life.

You have my full understanding of how your medical condition is affecting you in many ways,and my encouragement and support in wishing you well as you move forward one step at a time towards better things,

                      l just hope my words make a little sense and l am sure there will be others along shortly who can word it far better than me,

                                                              take very good care,

                                                                                                       David

Hi Kris,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear how you feel. You have done the hard part already - you have had your chemo. Hair will grow back with time and is really only superficial. I know that we all miss it, but it will come back. How are your children coping with your diagnosis?

I was absolutely terrified at the thought of surgery to start with. The first time I went to surgery for a lumpectomy, I was crying my eyes out, yet, I too, am normally a very strong person. I developed a second lump in the same breast just a year after surgery. This time I had a double mastectomy.  My large breasts were always my pride and joy. Unfortunately, I was unable to have reconstruction, due to previous non-cancer related surgeries. I manage well with an assortment of prostheses for different activities and I still lead a busy and fulfilling life.

There are a great many of us here who feel like you do. You will find when you come out of this, you will be an even stronger person, who appreciates even the simplest things in life, as David said. I now look on my scars like war wounds and I am proud to have come through the surgery and treatment that was offered to me. David is quite right that this is "a journey of acceptance that takes time to travel," but you will get there.

If it's of any consolation, I found the mastectomies easier to cope with than the lumpectomy. Don't for one minute think that you are shallow - you are just feeling as we all feel at this stage. Are you planning on having reconstruction afterwards?

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on and remember, that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi I am 44 and was diagnosed in August. 

I have just finished chemotherapy and radiotherapy and get the results in March.

I have only told my parents and 5 close friends.

I was made redundant on 29th July and then got  diagnosed.  I have lost all my hair and the ability to eat. 

I  only go out if its to one of my friends or a hospital appointment. 

I also feel like I have lost everything.  My friends and parents all think I have been so brave but deep down I am terrified and want to cry my heart out. I know I have lost everything Now I  just want to go back 4 months when I had my life,  job, not afraid to go out, ability to eat,happiness etc.

Believe me your not the only one out there that feels alone but be thankful you have your daughters who will always love you regardless what you look like.

You are their mum  rock and who they look upto and love with all their ️.