Hi

First of all, thanks to the people who replied to my earlier posts. It is so appreciated.

I got my results back early. I have grade 3 stage 2 ductal carcinoma. So errr could be better... but also could be worse? I am 39 years old.

It has spread to lymph nodes. I am having scans to see if anywhere else in body but my surgeon 100% said MOST women with it in their lymph nodes do NOT have secondary cancer. So we have to hope my lymph nodes have done their job. I have no other symptoms. This is another bit of scary waiting.

I need chemotherapy first, then lumpectomy, then radiotherapy. I was hoping to not need chemo. I am scared. It will be 4 months so guess I can be grateful it is quite short. In a way maybe it is good the tough bit is done first?

I also have to consider the fertility question and see if I want egg freezing. It won't impact my prognosis but will delay treatment. But there are no guarantees: chemo might not make me infertile, and egg freezing might not work. To be honest I am kind of ambivalent about kids but should I protect my future self, my opinion might change after all this? However I cannot begin to explain how desperately I want to start melting this cancer. Maybe I leave it up the universe. I don't know.

I am very tired thinking about this all the time. I spend a lot of time counselling other people who think I am dying. My surgeon said most women under 40 are treated and CURED and people just don't hear this.

I am young and fit and healthy and it's so weird this is happening to me and I don't feel sick at all.

I really don't wand this to define me. This is temporary. Sure it will change me. But man I am so sick of thinking about it all the time.