I think the fears you have are completely normal. First, worrying about is it or is it not, then once you get the dreaded answer, you then move onto the next elephant in the room, has it spread or not. Absolutely normal train of thought.

Mentally, the not knowing is one of the toughest parts. This usually tails off once you have all the facts at hand.

From our experience, don't think too far ahead because adding other things into the mix only adds unnecessary worry and burden upon yourself.  Your journey will be unique to you, and what panned out for someone else, won't be indicative of your own journey.

My wife had grade 3 cancer, and it was found in 2 nodes. It was as bad as things could get without it being terminal. I won't lie, she was a foot up the backside away from being what some class as stage 4 (don't think most oncologists use staging, it's more an American thing). But it was extensive as far as local spread went.

She was put down for a mastectomy once her chemo was finished, however, she had a complete response to the second chemo [Docetaxel], that she ended up having a lumpectomy and zero cancer cells were found at all. All margins clear.

6 months out from it all, she does require a second breast reconstruction because some of the fat cells they used to rebuild her breast shrank and her nipple is still inverted, but that will all get sorted with the second op in April.

The point I'm trying to make is, don't go assuming this is how things will pan out, because cancer being cancer, things are somewhat dynamic and what may be relevant just now by your current logic, may change. Thinking things will pan out like they are currently playing out in your head is only going to add needless anxiety if things change slightly. Which they often do. That isn't a negative, because things can and often do turn out for the better. But just know there is no real point to setting hard goals for yourself and being despondent if you don't meet those goals. But it's also normal for your brain to go a mile a minute.

Hi Clars,

I am so sorry to hear how you feel about your diagnosis. This always comes as a shock and our imaginations tend to go into overdrive. ProfBraw has given you some good advice. Most of us tend to think the worst at this stage, but fortunately, things don't always pan out like that.

I lost my Mum to breast cancer and have had 2 bouts mysel,f in the past 13 years. I naturally thought the worst to start with and was convinced thatt this was my death knoll. In some ways it is worrying to be told at your first visit that breast cancer is suspected, but this gives you a little time to come to terms with the news, before you know for certain. I have had 3 scares. On all three, I was informed at my first visit, that they suspected cancer. The consultant was right in 2 of the cases, but fortunately, biopsy proved him wrong in the other. 

Breast cancer diagnosis, treatment and aftercare have all made tremendous advances in the past few years. There is just no comparison between the experiences which my Mum and I have had. I was lucky enough to catch my cancer early. I won't lie, treatment was tough, but it's served it's purpose, in that I am still here 13 years on. In that time I have witnessed and been part of so many family aniversaries and milestones, which I never thought that I'd see.

This is indeed an emotional rollercoaster and many of us dread breaking the news to family and friends. I have discovered that the more positive I can be about the outcome, the better my loved ones take the news. If you are very down about it all, you get those awful pitying looks and many friends don't know what to say, so they just drift away. You are quite right when you say that hiding it takes too much energy. I have been totally open with everyone I know and I believe that this has helped me to get through it - I just couldn't take the pity!

This certainly doesn't have to define you, although you will come out of it a much stronger person than you think. I sincerely hope that things turn out to be a lot better than you are currently visualising. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Clars

i really relate to your post and feel for you. The waiting has been horrendous. I was hoping it was a cyst but sadly not. 

My plan of action appointment is tomorrow.  It can't come soon enough. Spending the evenings with the kids has been the worst mentally. 
 

My mind has been playing the worst case scenarios and I keep convincing myself it's spread with every twinge. 
 

I'm hoping you have now got a positive action plan. 

Alex

I absolutely love that chant! We can, we will, we must 

So apt! I had breast cancer diagnosed 5 days before Christmas. Fairly similar, in that I had no symptoms, just a lump. It turned out, there were actual 3 tumors. I count myself lucky that I felt that lump when I did.

Last Friday I had surgery. As my breasts previous to surgery were large I was able to have a therapeutic mammoplasty. They removed the tumour and reduced breasts on either side so they match! Im almost a week post surgery and it's been hard, but I still count myself lucky that it was found and Im receiving treatment. 
I have my results appointment Tuesday next week and I should know more about the future treatment. 
 

As scary as all this is, (being 35 I felt a bit robbed) I still count myself lucky that I get a chance to fight this, many people do not. It's taken me over a month to come to this conclusion, with the help of some amazing people around me. 
 

I wish you well with it all, and having this community has been amazing for me. I hope it helps you too