Feeling very anxious

I was recently diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I have had a hospital appt every week since my diagnosis and I will be starting chemo on Friday 30th for 6 cycles then I will need a mastectomy and chemo again. Before my diagnosis I was in a crazy place in my marriage, my husband was going through depression and tired to commit suicide. I tired everything I could to get him to seek help but he just carried on. Agreeing with me but never followed through. It got to the point if I didn't speak to him he would t speak to me in the house. Our home became cold and lonely and loveless. I began sleeping on the sofa as he made me feel so inadequate and always walking on egg shells when he was around. We had a few terrible scenarios that made me feel a bit scared of what he was capable of and that maybe he would hurt me but he never did. I gave him and untimatum to get help or I would leave the home and I ended up leaving when I returned to get my things  things escalated and went from bad to worst we got into a physical altercation and he tried to stab me with a knife and I had to call the police. A month later my diagnosis came. I am currently living in shared accommodation as that's all I can afford on my own and it's been a nightmare my house mates are untidy which I find disrespectful and landlord is a complete waste of time. I have my first chemo session this Friday and I am so anxious to the point and extreme sadness. I have been ok so far dealing with the diagnosis I have been tearful a few times but I've been ok. As I have been on my own this Xmas no family or friends because I wanted some peace the thoughts of the side effects of chemo is over whelming. I really wanted to know from someone who has been through chemo if I will be ok on my own in this shared house or do I need to go and stay with someone all of my family lives in another town and I am scared I won't be able to look after myself. 

Parents
  • Hi Suzie,

    I just read your post and although I can't offer anything constructive to help, I wanted to send you a virtual hug! My you have been through a lot, my heart goes out to you. My instinct would be to ask for help from your family although I'm not sure if that's possible? I haven't been through chemo so can't comment on how you may cope but I'm sure having a warm, quiet place to rest would be a huge benefit.

    Sending you my very best wishes, I hope you're soon on the mend. 

    Jane x

  • Hi Jane thank you for the virtual hug I needed it today. I didn't really want to reach out to my family to worry them. My mum is old now and very worried at the moment and so is my brother. Hey have offered to come and see me etc but hat would mean and staying in a hotel as my accommodation isn't fit for them to stay over. But I didn't want them going through the hassle and spending all the money. I think the unknown is terrifying me as I know what to expect because the drs and nurses tell you that everyone is different and you may fine but what if I'm not. That is the terrifying part. Still trying to take it day by day as best as I can. Thank you for taking the time to respond and thanks for the hug :)

Reply
  • Hi Jane thank you for the virtual hug I needed it today. I didn't really want to reach out to my family to worry them. My mum is old now and very worried at the moment and so is my brother. Hey have offered to come and see me etc but hat would mean and staying in a hotel as my accommodation isn't fit for them to stay over. But I didn't want them going through the hassle and spending all the money. I think the unknown is terrifying me as I know what to expect because the drs and nurses tell you that everyone is different and you may fine but what if I'm not. That is the terrifying part. Still trying to take it day by day as best as I can. Thank you for taking the time to respond and thanks for the hug :)

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