Cancer Research UK main site

Dad's been diagnosed with lung cancer. Fearing the worst

Bestrongtoday
Offline

Hi everyone,

I have came on here because my rock my superman Dad, my best friend was diagnosed with lung cancer just over a week ago.

Like many this came totally out of the blue, one day my 73 year old dad was probably fitter than most, very very fit for his age. The next day he woke up in pain all over, shoulders, hips, all joints and the swollen hands, supposedly a known first symptom of many cancers.

Docs couldn't figure it out, giving him Volterol for his super swollen hands with broken skin to the extreme, unable to close them, which I was shocked at.

Finally got him to hospital to be diagnosed with lung cancer sadly. 

We are now awaiting a biopsy and results but I feel the writing is on the wall, just by looking at him. His body is giving up even if he isn't, but it's getting close. Can't walk, can't close his hands ( which they have not properly explained) he feels it's carpal but I haven't got the heart to say this can be a symptom.

Yeah I am very lucky to have had him all these years, I am 52 in just days, but my father was and still is my rock, my best friend my all, my support network along with my so confused dear mother.

I should be hopeful.

I feel the worst part is watching the suffering with little help, they are from a generation that don't ask don't complain just get on, but I fear they are both in denial to a point which is fine they do have hope, when I feel there is none. All the signs are there. I should really try to be hopeful, but I can't.

He is getting worse by the day and now back home from a stint within hospital.

I helped my wife last year with her father which was an extremely odd situ, I have dealt with the loss of my brother who at 20 commited suicide. I also deal with a very rare condition that I have which in itself is a death sentence an incurable a ticking timebomb to say the least which I know and been told is incurable, they won't stop it nor can they. I had already said goodbye to my wife once already on the final life preservation surgery which had an extremely low rate of survival, lucky for me I pulled through for now.

I can deal with everything including my own fate, which is getting worse by the day ( very rare AVM of the face ) but this, this is unbelievably unbearable, and feel my rock and world is being overturned. I can only imagine what they are going through this is what keeps me awake at night most nights.

My dear old mother is at her wits end even thought they really have not faced the truth hoping he will get better. I fear for her tremendously as she just will not cope without him on her own, not a chance.

My own wife is there but I don't feel very supportive, instead saying that people loose their parents everyday this happens, which I agree, but feel could maybe use a little tact considering my support with her father who died last year.

Just don't know where to turn....now my rocks are lost.

I want to spend as much time as possible with him, but in doing so see the detereation more so.

I have been very strong in the past helping them with the death of their son , my brother, I have dealt with other and also face my own fate, but I find this impossible, and feel may change me forever.

  • Offline in reply to Lulu86

    Your post reflect quite alot of what we are also experiencing. 

    The same I feel is happening here, was again into and am just away to go back in, he got at least a few hours rest, first in a long long time, he is now on a drip also, the difference is night and day but of course this can be short lived , ups and downs.

     

    They have suggested that he could maybe go home at a me point but they ain't forcing it yet, but I am aware of the taking up a bed issue.

     

    I feel they may be trying to get him well enough to send home, anything would be better than the way he was it was very distressing now just for us but for him.

     

    Only for him to decline which he would without proper professional care. My mum has osteoarthritis to mention one illness so can't manage.

     

    So now we are in this strange place.

    I had a call this afternoon from one of the big support organisation ls to not to be told that because my father is in hospital they won't be coming and they would call myother who will then feel even less supported, I mentioned this and they offered some words if wanted over the phone. Yeah a total strange that has just let you down again speaking away, I don't think so.

     

    They have admitted they have done badly but of course this doesn't help either.

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Bestrongtoday

    My dad passed away today less than 20hrs after another scan.

     

    I have dealt with people dying before but this was particularly bad.

    I won't go into detail but my father fought right to the very end. They even suggested hours before and they would have knew, using a squishy ball to help with his hands, which was either a distraction or ?

     

    He did try so showed he still had a little hope left even though it's was pointless.

     

    He died with all of us by him, many hours later with us supporting him, a true gent a fighter and sadly a man deeply let down by a so called support system that I and many many others when experienced are appalled at, shame on them.

     

    I will never forget how badly they let him and my poor mother down, obviously his illness could not be cured but the sheer and utter disgraceful support he was never given, should be questioned at every step. Trust me I will be.

     

    My father never asked for their help and never asked me to chase it, but I did because he deserved support.

    But the reality for a disease that has so much public awareness and so called support is it is deeply flawed and still even now needs looked at from the ground up because it simply doesn't work, especially for those who may be elderly.

     

    Shocking.

     

    Lulu you offered more than anyone else ever did, and I know you know where I am coming from for that I thank you your comments helped me which in turn helped my father as they made me stronger, for that I thank you tremendously I will never forget the words by a stranger online in my family's moment of need ♥️ not will I ever forgot how my father was treated in his moment of need by the support services or lack of.

  • Offline in reply to Bestrongtoday

    Hi Bestrongtoday,

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I have no words.

    The pain of losing a father is unexplainable.

    Sending love. 

     

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.