Again thanks for your honest reply.

I have started reading some of your posts and threads.

Feel every word.

Yeah my dad was having good and bad days, but now just bad. I don't understand this mentally that they seem to have, saying we will treat when you can see through our own eyes he's dying by the day with no real treatment.

He has been unable to walk properly for weeks, swallow because of ulcers, severe hand pain, fluid on his lung the list is endless but still they are not giving support.

I feel this is very very common, we shouldn't have to be buying shakes and aids, this should be a given, more so to show someone cares.

It's absolutely scandalous. But of course websites and people in general don't want to hear or believe this.

Hi,

I have not put down half of the things that went on over the two months prior to dad passing away. As you say I don't think many people would want to hear it. The email I sent to PALs was extensive detailing from the date we were told about the metestatic cancer on 15th September until dad passing away on 15th November. I never understood why his oncologist that he was under (although he had only seen dad 1 time face to face for first cancer) never even saw him.

I worry that a large contributor to my dad's decline was also medication based. We were given huge amounts of different medications to try by the GP and he had no tolerance for opiates. It seemed that there was no communication between the GP, hospitals, people who should manage medications and mum and I were left to trial and error. 

I think I had some naive belief that with incurable cancer there would be a sense of urgency but it seemed to be the complete opposite and time is just wasted.

I could talk about it all day. It is difficult to come to terms with my father's loss when I feel like some of dads suffering could have been prevented. Not to mention being given devestating news and no thought about psychological impact for dad or family too. 

I am really sorry you had to endure the same as we are at the moment.

You have basically just said exactly what is happening.

My 72 mum was left to manage daily class c drugs, she would write down the times and what they had been advised, it was heartbreaking. Of course I bent over backwards to help running back and forth to chemists, shops and emotional support for both, which and I must stress was not given at anytime from any organisation including medical.

I have just left my dad, he knows and has said to me eye to eye even though his are fading and very chemically induced along with the pain I can also see, that " he doesn't want to suffer just let me go when the time comes " it's breaking my heart including my brothers and mother's.

After checking his record and notes bedside the are upping the meds, as well as still denying him the shakes we asked for, bathing him, antibiotics for the fluid on his lungs, it's absolutely ridiculous.

Words can't express how sad this is, made worse by the lack of empathy and support from all the so called and publicised organisations.

It's essentially now just a matter of hours, at best 48.

His eyes have glazed over, the life and energy he had is disappearing, but still he refuses.

He broke down today after the consultant told him what is happening, I held him and tried to reassure him, as best I could but how do you tell someone it's going to be ok when it's not.

From time to time he will want to sit in the hospital chair, but when he lies down it's as if he's already gone, he looks terrible but he's still my dad and I still see it in him, what made him , him.

A real man ,never complained all he wanted was his hand to feel better and to at least have one good night's sleep which he hadn't over the last 8.

Again I called the nominated organisation that were referred, to try and speak to someone for support for my mum and dad, and still they are on annual leave with no alternative.

I feel like screaming.

Not because he is dying but because all your organisations, pros and support let him down so so badly.

It's an absolute joke.

Wow I just looked up thee top support organisations on trust pilot.

Again wow, this is not just me or any other on here it's seems to be everyone.

Very very damning reviews worth taking a look, because it's very painful to read.

People's stories of how bad some really are. I am totally gobsmacked........wow

Hi Bestrongtoday,

I'm so sorry to hear of what you are all going through. Have the doctors given you any indication of time frame?

Has there been any input from palliative care at all? Have you tried to contact your local hospice or have you spoken to the doctors to see if they are able to assist with hospice?

I am lost for words and my suggestions are probably useless ones at this point. My dad was admitted to hospice and we thought he would come home (he didn't) but the doctor in hospice said that hospital is not a good place for someone with end stage cancer to be.

We had a room with dad in hospice where my mum, my brother, myself and my dog were able to be with him in his final days. Dad wanted to die at home but mum and I couldn't manage him and we were worried about relying on services to administer pain relief. The hospice at least gave us privacy.

I am sorry I can't give you any better advice. 

You have already given more than most, your latest even more.

Palliative from hospital have been basically for meds pain relief only. No emotion support for dad. 

I feel it's far too late to move him to die with dignity to a hospice he is in agony and very very frail and tired but won't sleep.

He won't ever come home this is the end, with people within the ward looking on as if a side show, I am truly disgusted.

Still another day and no ( well known organisation) have appeared.

The man is at end stage just lying no TV left to stare waiting his fate, it's inhumane.

I am truly appalled disgusted and in shock this is how we leave people.

Were done with it

They will only say in a round about way, I have asked and asked.

Hi,

I'm sorry. There was no mention of psychologic support for my father either. 

I don't know what to suggest. When my dad was admitted to hospital in October (due to confusion) he was on a ward with 3 other people. At this point we didnt know that he would pass away two weeks later and because he appeared to improve they discharged home for us to care for him again. 

It might be a ridiculous suggestion but given the circumstances can you ask if there is any option for more privacy e.g. room with less people? 

There was someone on the ward with my dad who was moved to a separate room by himself (elderly man who was very unwell) but this does not seem to be the norm. It is a horrendous situation and one that no one should have to face especially during such sad circumstances.