Welcome to the forum Bestrongtoday although I'm so sorry to hear your dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer.

I can't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family right now, especially having been through so much yourself and with your brother, but our members are here for you and will hopefully be along soon to share their experiences and offer you their support and advice.

If you'd like to talk things through with one one of our cancer nurses, they're just a phone call away on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. They're very insightful and will do all they can to support you and answer any questions you may have about your dad's situation at this time.

Waiting for results is always tough, especially when the person involved looks to be getting worse, but we are all thinking of you and will have our fingers crossed for some positive news when the results come through.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thanks.

Things are getting bad real bad. 

On Monday my dad had a biopsy, but it's very clear to see he is very ill.

Anyway while he was in for this my mother went outside and had collapsed out cold, i dare say with all the stress, she is 73.

I rushed from work as she had been on the phone to me while this happened, I got there to find her totally slumped and unconscious, I managed to get her to come round while hospital porters had looked on as well as at the time this had actually  happened, upon asking them why they didnt help was told to **** *ff .They must have just watched this elderly woman collapse and do nothing, am disgusted to say the least and have reported this disgusting behaviour from hospital staff.

It took me around 6 mins for me to get there all the while in freezing cold conditions, staff didn't help.

Anyway I took her home and helped her.

Fast forward to today, my dad is extremely poorly and declining by the day, his mouth is so dry and sore he can't swallow anymore, he is on a liquid diet and even that is a struggle for him, water is also an issue. I called his doctor, who to be fair isn't great who prescribed a Sylvia replacement, no pain relief. When this all started with swollen hands he prescribed Volterol hand gel for hands swollen twice the size and exposed broken skin. The same person that hadn't done the basics like a urine test or body examination. 

 Would have never referred him and found out his condition, it was myself that had to take him to hospital.

Anyway as said his eating is pretty much non existent as is his drinking, I remind him all the time but it's not a case or wanting it's inability. Tonight his feet have swollen up and he's off to bed to struggle away yet again, very little support if any from any professional.

I am truly appalled by the care he has had over this short space of time, and can see he is clearly dying.

By the looks he is lucky to weigh 7 stone at best, but he still has hope, but doubt there is any comeback from this now.

I have begged with them both for me to call Macmillan to offer some sort of help but he clings to his hope, in the hope he will be offered treatment to help him, but I doubt this will happen in time if all.

I find it interesting that a work colleague of 56 who was told they may have cancer after him, then had a biopsy and surgery before he has even had any prognosis. Is this an age thing and why is he being left to die essentially.

This is what is happening prognosis or not, it's clear for anyone to see.

Surely this can't be how we treat elderly people who have been told they may have cancer.

This cant be how we deal with this surely.

They have found a 3.5cm tumor in his lung, but still await a definite, all the while a daily decline, to the point of no return, this can't be the gold standard, surely.

This system is absolutely broken.

Let me explain my dad is dying not getting more I'll.

He has absolutely no support after 100% diagnosis of lung cancer.

Within a week he has lost copious weight because ha can't eat, due to throat sores, and no saliva.

He can't walk much because of pain, and also because he can't eat no energy, he struggles with water too.

After the biopsy he has fluid around the outer lungs and heart.

Serious pain within his hands, that he can no longer close, arms, hip pain, back pain shoulder pain, foot pain.

Instead he is pumped up on hydro morphine both kinds including other class c drugs. But still no support from the usual cancer charities. He is fading daily and almost died twice in my arms but he is fighting, with no support for him nor my 73 old mother who is struggling emotionally also helping even though she has her own illnesses.

He struggles to breathe, go to the toilet, hasn't slept in weeks and still no support.

I have called and called many people, charities nurses you name it no help it absolutely shocking.

I know he will die soon, but to die with no support and no help other than myself and my mother in 2022 is an absolute disgrace.

Not a single response.

No support from any organisation, no answers from consultants, my father was left with none of these, no one to help my dear mother, nothing.

So sad that in this country we hear the talk but I am not seeing the walk, they are and will let him down. He is dying in agony.

Too many weeks before any real answers, given over the counter meds some of the time because docs didn't pick up on tell tales, too long waiting for biopsy, the man is still fighting but nothing will be done.

Thank you for your reply.

I am afraid it's already too late.

He hasn't got long left we have been asked the DNR question.

It's only a matter of time am afraid. There will be no treatment for him, only pain relief.

They have said only that this situation is rare, as some of the toxins are attacking the rest of his body, this has happened over the course of 8 weeks, a fighting superfit elderly man more capable thanost to now around 5 stone at best. Pain in every part of his body. 

The GP is useless in all honesty, everything has taken too long am afraid, my mother was left with all this and now can't walk herself. 

It's a very sad situation that the so called system has let him down so badly.

Hi Bestrongtoday,

I'm so sorry to read about your Father's illness and the lack of care and support that you are receiving.

We found out on 15th September that my lovely dad had metestatic cancer and he passed away 8 weeks later. I have posted a few things on here about what happened in those 8 weeks but to keep it brief, i feel badly let down and tormented about dad's care and the lack of support that my 67 year old mother and myself had during this time.

It felt like a messy and undignified demise of someone who has always done the right thing and despite me advocating for my dad I feel that he was left to deteriorate in those 8 weeks when he could have been comfortable and enjoyed his last week's of life. We didn't even get to see an oncologist.

It may be worth contacting the PALS at the hospital (not sure if you have done this) I did this to raise my concerns about dad's care but dad sadly passed away before I heard back and by that point I couldn't face it. The hospice that my dad went to in the days before he died were helpful at managing dad's end of life care. Dad wanted to be at home but we were wary of having to rely on people to help manage pain etc. The GP may be able to help with referral to hospice possibly? We were referred when she saw dad staggering around with mum and I unable to stop him. It was a desperate situation. Some people go in hospice for palliative care and come home again. 

I am sorry you are going through this. I fear that this is happening much more than people realise. It is heartbreaking to see someone you love deteriorate without the care and support that they need. The stress this caused along with the sadness of finding out dad was ill and then him passing away is very traumatic. 

One thing I will say to everyone, its known that many cancers start showing symptoms in the hands. 

Look it up. 

If only my dad's gp had known they may have been able to at least have treatment in place before it was too late.

Instead they gave him shockingly Volterol hand gel and fobbed him off.

They treated every symptom separately instead of looking at th bigger picture, the only way this was detected as lung cancer was when I took him myself into hospital, and even then time was against him.

All the organisations referred too late, they still are not onboard, instead he lies dying with all of us heartbroken watching.

It's a shocking way to treat someone.

Thank you for you post.

I can feel every sentence you wrote.

The pain you must have endured must have been horrendous. I am so sorry for your loss.

I agree this is happening way to often, my wife and I had this last year with her own dad, possible treatment offered but never given due to the timescale knowing he would never reach that point, and were speaking weeks.

Sadly I feel my dad may pass tonight or within the next few days.

Only at the weekend I held his hand as he seemed to be in the stages of dying, which he is but seemed like it was actually happening there and then.

As said today the DNR conversation was had, and they are have said they will up his meds Pregabalin, slow realise morphine, fast realise morphine, sleeping pills, paracetamol, constapation pills and many more.

The man never took a pill in his life.

The part the bothers me the most is the support was so lacking we were having to buy the shakes you can get from pharmacies.

Cushions, creams, reclining chairs and much more, and still now in the hospital they are still not providing shakes to at least help with his weight loss.

Because they know it's a wasted cause but won't say 100% even through it's clear for all to see including those in the shared ward to see also, which is also shocking.

I feel your pain very much and also feel your 100% correct.

I suffer a very rare condition myself which has has even less support, so it isn't a shock. But of course when we see loved ones suffer we want to at the very least help make them more comfortable but sadly in 2022 this scenario is still happening.

It's appalling.

Thank you for your reply. It has been horrendous and it has led me to question if I should have done more, even though I tried my best.

My dad was similar, never taken a pill in his life. He was then given very strong pain meds which didn't agree with him. I know my dad's cancer was incurable but I thought we would get more time. A few weeks after we found out and I saw his mobility start to deteriorate I told his ENT doctor that I didn't want them to think he was not fit for treatment and not offer it.

The ENT doctor assumed dads cancer was a new cancer (dad came through throat cancer in 2020) and so they were doing investigations for a new cancer on the basis that they didn't think the original one metastasised to the bones and he was clear of it. This hunch wasted weeks and by the time we were told bone marrow biopsy showed original cancer he was too weak and in hospice the following day. 

If I hadn't have spent days ringing the two different hospital's he wouldnt even have got in to see his original cancer team, every step road blocks in the way. 

My dad was admitted to A and E at one point. He was referred by the GP but we still had a 10 hour wait to see A and E doctor despite stage 4 cancer diagnosis and GP referral. Whilst there we were also bounced with the DNR with little to no compassion for the fact that we had not even spoke to an oncologist or given time scale. I wanted to scream. 

I also purchased the enshakes myself for dad along with bed aid, wheelchair, sticks etc. 

We were not given any information about what to look out for in terms of dad passing and we were not given time scale by any one other than GP who seemed to think he would get at least 6 months. My dad came out of hospital end of October and he went into hospice two weeks later. He seemed to have improved a bit when he was first discharged but then became confused again. He wouldn't eat much and I was begging him to drink not realising that he was dying and in his final days of life. I feel guilty about this. 

I'm sorry you are going through this and sorry that you had a similar experience with your wife's father. I honestly feel that there is less care for people who are older with incurable cancer. When my dad had cancer in 2020 and they thought they could cure it was a very different process or maybe the system has deteriorated in the two years following that.

All you can do is be there for your dad. It is terrible not having the ability to do more for the person you love.