Shell's

Hi Shelly my first thought was bless you.

You really having a tough time controlling your fear of the chemotherapy trestments you need, its not easy to overcome your fears,but I do hope you can find some coping strategies that will help you do just that.

I was petrified of having to have chemotherapy, I remember having the first one and sitting upright,waiting for I don't know what, as I didn't know how my body would react to the chemotherapy.  I must of looked like a startled rabbit being caught in the headlights of an oncoming car lol. But I calmed myself down,took deep breaths and told myself this treatments were going to save my life,I told myself so many people have had these same treatments and got through it I looked at it in a positive way,instead of my first thoughts of I can't do this,I really can't,I'm going to lose my hair, no no i definitely can't go through with this,I'm going to be so ill.

I changed those  negative thoughts to I can do this,so what if I feel a bit under the weather, I'll bounce back eventually  feeling a bit rough isn't going to last forever,so what my hair will fall out but it will eventually grow back,I can buy some wigs ,hats  turbins,scarfs wear those etc. I kept thinking positively about all I knew I had to go through ,and believe me it really did help me. Evaluating all of the benefits of my treatments  that I was going to have ,made me realise they were the best things to help me to live,as I knew if id refused all the treatments my oncologist had told me I needed I probably would die of breast cancer, it had already spread to my lymph nodes. I had a lumpectomy  on my right breast,all my lymph nodes were removed from under my right arm.  I had four rounds of EC chemotherapy, and another four rounds of chemotherapy with a taxol drug,  I did have an alergic reaction to paxitaxol, and so it was stopped and changed the next week to another taxol chemotherapy drug beginning with A, think it was called Ameraxol or something similar.  I wasn't going to let the cancer get the better of me  and if I hadn't of changed my negative feelings  and thoughts ,into positive ones  it would of got the better of me and won. Instead I told myself I'm in charge  I'm in control ,I'm not letting my fear and anxiety or cancer control my destiny my outcome will be determined by me ,I will get through it. And I did, yes its not easy to get your mind set like this,but its doable, it really is. I was like you petrified,so scared...hence my user name.

You can do this,you really really can. 

Good luck with everything do let me know how you get on, I hope this helps, sometimes knowing someone else has had your fears  understand you and knows  excactly  how your feeling and has found a way to cope  that workrd for them helps . Big hugs sent your way.