Hi,

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2021 at 36. I had to have a mastectomy and reconstruction on one side. I cried so much before thinking I'd be deformed and I shared the concerns you have shared.  I don't think I even took in any information I was given about a mastectomy or reconstruction because I was so upset. I didn't want to see pictures. I've now had my implant on one side for just over a year. 

I was very scared to look when I first had my dressings changed. But I remember when I saw my surgeon saying " oh it's not that bad." He responded with well I hope not and we laughed. It does feel firmer than my regular breast and I don't have feeling in it still but I'm in a place now where I've just got used to it. I think once it was done it was a relief and I'm now glad I had it done. I think it's one of those things to be kind to yourself about as your feelings may change overtime. There's lots of women on here who have gone through similar things and hopefully others can share their stories. My mum had a single mastectomy and chose not to have reconstruction, for her it was a case of just being tired of been in hospitals and just wanted the quickest option for her. 
 

I remember someone saying that people would joke with them about having "new perky boobs." A mastectomy with reconstruction is certainly not the same as a "boob job." It is a form of cancer treatment, it's not cosmetic.  I also read somewhere of someone referring to it as an amputation. I got used to quickly reminding people who tried to "joke" about it that it was a serious medical procedure. 
 

I took tamoxifen for all of 2 weeks. It just didn't work for me. There's plenty of other options if a particular hormone medication doesnt fit for you. I'd say to not be afraid to discuss this with your team. 

Hi FFS53,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

Do you have a date for your surgery yet? I am so sorry to hear how you are feeing. Most us us feel as if we'd been struck by a double decker bus, once we get a cancer diagnosis. We feel denial, anger, upset, depressed, frightened - the list goes on. However you may find it helpful to put a more positive spin on things. 

None of us want to lose our breasts. They are an important part of the female body. However, losing them is better than the alternative. On a personal basis, I would say that you are lucky that they discovered your cancer in both breasts at the same time. I was 59 when I was first diagnosed and had a lumpectomy in my right breast. This was followed by Tamoxifen. Six months later, I discovered a lump in my left breast, despite having it checked out at my first appointment. My surgeon thought that this was cancer too, but fortunately, the biopsy disagreed with him.

Almost a year to the day of my initial surgery, I discovered a second lump in my original breast. Unfortunately, this one was another primary cancer. I then had a double mastectomy and changed to taking Letrozole. You will be fortunate enough to save yourself all those extra months of misery, by getting it all over and done with in the one go and then having reconstruction.

Due to previous surgery for non cancer related problems, I was unable to have reconstruction. I now live with an assortment of different prostheses for different activities. I consider that losing sensitivity in this area, is a small price to pay for my life. It is not ideal, but these are the cards that I've been dealt in life and, I've just got to get on with it.  I now look on the scars as my talisman to life and, life is for living. This all happened 13 years ago and I still live a busy and fulfilling life.

It sounds as if you are fighting the inevitable at present - I did the same. Just try to accept it all and you will come through it.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Sadly I can't see it with any positive spin right now, there isn't any. 

I'm going to have both breasts removed, I'm sick of all this 'we will be there' 'it will be ok' 'you are strong' 'you are a survivor' narrative from friends and people who don't understand- my body will not look the same. It will be defined by that I had cancer.

  I like the way I look and it's taken me years to actually like my body, I was in an abusive relationship for 15 years (coercive control - was put down constantly, told I was fat, ugly etc) and I left it 4 years ago now finally building myself up and having confidence in myself - now that's being taken away from me, I'll be left with ugly scars and breasts that aren't mine.   It is going to destroy me, my beautiful breasts will be gone nothing anybody says will make that better.  I'm seeing the plastic surgeon on Wednesday so will see what he says as perhaps he will reassure me in that it will be ok, can make the fake breasts the same so people won't know, I'm in a new relationship of a couple of months, I will never let him see me naked again, I don't think I will even want to see myself naked again.

I think I'm more scared as Mum had a breast cancer and a mastectomy 16 years ago and it was a horrid time she said and continues to say that - it ruined her life, she freely admits that it will always define her, she's not the confident woman she once was. 

I don't want to see anyone, do not want to face the comments - you'll get through this, you are strong, you'll be fine... and as for sympathy jeeze, don't need that....my operation is in two weeks - it's all happened within five weeks, I'm floored by it - why couldn't it happen to the person who threatened me and made my life hell, and why when my life had come together and I was happy??

My children are teenagers, I'm a single parent but, I'm playing it down to them to protect them, not even telling anyone how I really feel but right now I don't think I can go through with it but know I have too. 

Hi FFS53,

Give yourself time. Everything happens so quickly at this stage, that you hardly have time to draw breath. I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer and she had a miserable time, especially towards the end. The thought of going through what she endured, absolutely terrified me. My children were teenagers too and I had all the worries of not seeing them reach their lifetime milestones. How have your children reacted to the news?

If you have a good surgeon, talk to him/her about your concerns. If they know that you are worried about how they will look, I'm sure that they will do their best to leave you with minimal scarring. You may notice small scars at first, but these will gradually fade until you hardly notice them. Your breasts will look no different with clothes on. My breasts were large and were my pride and joy, but to be honest, it was a relief to get rid of them and the threat that they contained. I can still do all of the activities that I did before, even with a prosthesis. I swim and go to the gym regularly.

I am sorry to hear about your previous relationship, but am glad to hear that you are gradually building up your self confidence and now have a new partner. Have you talked to him about how you feel and what was his reaction? I'm sure that he'd rather have you with pert new boobs, than let the cancer destroy you. It does help to discuss your feelings with him. 

Anger is a big part of a cancer diagnosis. We all ask 'why me'. Sadly, there is no plausible answer to this. It does seem so unfair when there are so many miscreants out there, who get away without any unpleasant outcome. Still, it is what it is and, you need to give it all that you've got to fight it. With time you will come to this realisation and begin to feel more positive about yourself.

Write down any questions you have for the plastic surgeon on Wednesday, as it's all too easy to forget something important, when you meet him. I hope that he can reassure you.

You may well find that this acceptance won't come until you've had your surgery, but that's not too far away now. Please keep in touch and remmember, that we are always here for you.

P.S. On a practical note, you may find it easier to have nightwear which opens at the front post-surgery. This saves lifting things over your head, which can be difficult for the first few weeks.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thanks lovely, it's all to do with the trauma I had in my abusive relationship as it's not the cancer that scares me but  that  I was finally rebuilding my life when I had this dreadful diagnosis. 

Because I was called ugly, thick, fat and stupid having to have my breasts cut off will mean that I'm just that. It's early days and the operation is on 15th my sons birthday of all days - they have taken it well, I've played it down so as not to worry them. I am angry and also so fed up, and low I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I'll talk to the surgeon about my concerns and am grateful to you for taking the time to reply 

You have had a massive shock and it's something you don't want and is totally understandable you feeling shattered.other people who haven't gone through this won't really understand and will be trying to say the right thing to you even if it isn't the right thing. I had a single mastectomy and immediate diep reconstruction in the summer  - they used blood vessels and fat from my tummy  to make the new breast. The new breast looks ok, honestly wouldn't know by looking at me in clothes and low neck lines. Immediately after I woke up from the op I looked down at my cleavage and couldn't see that anything had been done. It feels just like the old one, warm and soft but of course has some scars which are fading and some areas I can't feel but I can't say this bothers me. It's a bit smaller than the other one (I will get a reduction on that one in 6 months) so I am a bit self conscious about the difference and do get the lack of confidence bit but the truth is no one notices as they are too interested in themselves imo.  With needing a double you won't have the asymmetry issue. Discuss options with your surgeon, you might be surprised by how good the results can be and what options there are. They are very keen to get good cosmetic results in my experience.  When I had my doubts I tried to keep in the forefront of my mind that this op is getting rid of the cancer which can only be a good thing. I also tried not to think too far ahead re next treatments and their effects only focussing on the immediate stuff. Stopping Hrt will probs make you feel a bit ***** but I was in a similar position re stopping hrt and actually with everything else going on I didn't particularly notice bad effects. Don't get me wrong, I am no super heroine,  I was a complete wreck at times and super anxious and I wouldn't say that I am back to my old self yet but in terms  of the op results it was far better than I thought it would be.  my advice is to focus on one thing at a time, research and discuss op options and be kind to yourself.xx