Thank you xx 

I am so so sorry for your loss and the hottific pain you have been through 

Your story has humled mec

I have no words 

Please forgive me

Hi 

freaking out a lot again today

i was told to telephone the chemo unit today if I didn't receive a call on Friday with my start date... I did and they said that be apecahse  the systems are down at the hospital they cannot access me and book the appointment, they already have a two week back log .. scared it will spread before I even start  treatment ... Terrified again... I had just started to calm 

Hi Athene, I just jumped on here and saw your post.  Presumably they have told you to call back?  The systems won't be down indefinitely.  No-one can ever make exact predictions with the spreading of cancer, but honestly mate, a few days either way is not likely to make any difference.  Also, you will have the phone numbers of your Macmillan nurses, so when you are really feeling in a state, ring them, that's what they are there for.  I know you are going through hell right now, but you will get your appointment..........this is just another hurdle to get over, unfortunately, but I would be amazed if when you next call the systems are still down, Violet, xx

Hi  Violet

i know people are far worse off than I am and have had to endure worse... this has been such a huge shock to me and I am not doing well dealing with it... I do try every day to be positive but it is not work well at tge moment... just when I think I am coping... I am not 

my Macmillan nurses are never there to answe my questions until one or two days later... 

I have turned into a netverous wreck. I never thought I would be this person... 

Hi Athena, and yes it's true, there are always people in the world that are going through worse things, but that doesn't mean that you don't have the right to feel terrified.  We feel what we feel.  I know the Macmillan nurses are very busy and not always instantly available.  Not really sure what to say to you mate...........the thing is Athena, don't beat yourself up because you feel you are not coping well...............courage comes in many forms.  For example, everyone is amazed that I have accepted that I am not going to reach an old age, and yet I am still terrified of spiders!!!!!!  Go figure.  I can cope with the fact that I am going to die fairly young, but a huge 8 legged beastie in the bath has me almost fainitng LMAO!  You will get your chemo mate, and you will get through this, just hang in there, I am off to bed now, don't know if you have any spiritual beliefs Athena but  I will pray for you,  you can do this mate, you're a London girl like me and you are tougher than you think, Violet, xx

As always thank you so so much for your support... freaked out a little bit when I was telephoned to go in for a PET scan tomorrow as I though oh ok he has re checked the images from CT and it has spread ...  my logical brain is long gone I fear...I telephoned my oncologist's secretary and asked why the test is needed  apparently it's in preparation for when I have radio therapy.... 

I do go for. Walk on my treadmill everyday now with music on... I am aiming to do 1 hour a day moderate pace as it has an incline on it .. 

I try so hard to be grateful

I know many many people are not so lucky but as I said my logic has done a runner...

I have done some headwear shopping with my daughter who is a,so going to help me look at wigs...

pleasd know I am so so grateful for your help and time...

you are all wonderful. I thank you all  

Hi Athena.  Amazon do a really good range of scarves, hats and turbans for people who have lost their hair.  I bought some really stylish ones, they look real nice.  I tried wearing a wig (long and blonde like my own hair), but it felt so hot and itchy that I only wore it a couple of times.  And don't  forget, your scalp is going to be very sensitive.  I bought some baby shampoo from Amazon called 'Child's Farm'.  It's very easy and gentle on a naked head lol!  I also treated myself to some satin pillow cases, because cotton can feel a little bit rough on a bare head.  Take care mate, Violet, xx

Hi Violet 

I stayed away from here because of very very low mood and not having a start date 

I am not triple neg as I thought I was I am her2 positive, do you know much about this . Being told I will have something called Phesgo... don't know anything about this and cannot google as too scared .. xx I start chemo Saturday. Xx