My husband is in denial, I'm not coping!

My husband has 2ndry bone cancer. He has been told he has 6 to 12 months depending on how he tolerates radiotherapy and then possibly immunotherapy.

He constantly talks about amateur he's going to do in the next year or two. 'When he is better', he knows it can't be curedbut seems to think his therapy will give him extra years, rather than just less pain in the time he had left, which is my understanding. I feel like the constant voice of doom, trying to instill some honesty into the situation. Feeling like I am drowning in my own tears while he still does not understand what is happening. So very very sad.

  • Hi I'm so sorry to hear your husband has secondary bone cancer and has been told he has 6-12 months. When my sister was informed her brain tumour was terminal she would often talk about the  year or two ahead talking about the holidays we would go on and building work she was going to have on her house etc,. I think it's just their way of coping with the situation, I would just carry on the conversation and ask where she will holiday etc,. We were probably both in denial, but I would cry alot when on my own. Do you think he does understand what is happening but cannot bring himself to talk about it so he's just carrying on as normal? He probably doesn't want to upset you either although you already are. I'm thinking of you. X

  • Thank you, I  think he is trying to ignore his prognosis until the illness makes it impossible. I understand his need to stay positive, and try to keep my tears to when I'm alone. It's  difficult to be realistic and practical. We'll find a balance as we move through the process, thank you again for your reply, and I'm sorry for the pain you have experienced with your sister.

  • Really sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Maybe he needs to be convince himself there is hope he will do the things he enjoys again, maybe he needs that in order to enjoy the time he has left?

    I hope you have some support of your own, somebody other than him you can talk to. 

  • Thank you for responding. I  think your right, he's looking forward to stay positive. It's hard to hear but I am understanding more now and am becoming less teary.