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Dad bowel cancer

Nhen
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Hello everyone,

Won't go in to symptoms and things but my dad was diagnosed yesterday with bowel cancer he lives around 2 hours away from me so I was told devastatingly over the phone this morning. He has been told it at the lower part of the large bowel and the tumor is too big to operate on at the moment. They have offered him some radiotherapy to see if they can shrink it to have surgery this may take months he said, and even if it works. 

Any advice or experience please I'd prefer the truth. 

 

Thanks guys

  • Offline

    Hello Nhen,

                       l read your post with sadness and understanding having been through similar myself.The first thing to say is that the medical team do not sugar coat or downplay their assessment,it is exactly as they state,

     My tumour was in the same position on the verge of breaking through the bowel wall.l had radiotherapy to shrink it to allow for an operation,along with simultanaeous chemotherapy because adjoining lymph nodes were inflamed so the worry was that it might be off visiting elsewhere.,This was a five day week,for six weeks,followed by an eight week recovery period before surgery and stoma .

        l am now writing this eight years after the event,l will not say the journey has been easy,but l will say the destination is sweet.Lots of things are beyond the patients control,, all they have to offer is a stubborn will to go forward and a constant positivity. By this l do not mean a rose tinted denial of the seriousness of the position, but the willingness to keep putting one step in front of the next whatever the hardship, It can make the difference.

    l cannot tell you that your Dad will make it through,but l can tell you that there are those of us that have and that it is a possibility,beyond this it is his personal journey to his own destination, l can only wish that it is to the one of his choosing.

       l would also say that this illness affects more than the patient,those around them suffer,and in some ways worse than the sufferer,Be sure that you not only give support,but receive it for yourself,l would always reccommend getting help from your local Maggies centre,they made a huge difference for me providing peace to a mind in outrageous turmoil.

     l forward my best wishes for what lies ahead,go as gently as is possible,

                                                                                                                          David

  • Offline in reply to gruntifen

    Hello David 

     

    Thank you for your post. All I have done is cry since yesterday iv just woke up and cried again and I can't understand how much easier my dad has took it than me. My main concern is he has heart problems and blood pressure problems so surgery and actually tolerating chemo if he has it. He also doesn't want to know what stage which also concerns me but I have to respect its his own personal choice.

    Your totally right I believe very much like you you will go where ever life takes you and when your times up its up but needless to say does not make it any easer. I agree those around you suffer alot too my dad doesn't see any one he sits in his house all day alone he will go to the pub for 2 pints of bitter on a Friday and that's it and his house is very much a hoarders house so I worry about his general health as he does have other health issues he hasn't wanted to see anyone since covid worrying he will catch it so we have kept contact daily by video call and telephone calls. He's very much independent and only 57 it's just so sad I feel my self feeling very angry and just crying.

     

    You sound like you have had a tough journey thank you for sharing it with me and giving me some very helpful insight and I'm so pleased you are happy at the point in life you are at now. Im presuming your older than me I'm 31 and your post really made my day seem a little brighter today just by your honesty so thank you again!

    He is meeting with the oncologist on Tuesday and they have kindly allowed a call link with me as we live quite a distance from each other although I know he very much likes to be alone for this kind of thing I have insisted I'm there by call Tuesday and surgery date. Cancer is so unexpected and cruel he is the kindest soul  we all thought he was just constipated and he kept being passed off with laxatives.

     

    I wish you health and happiness in for your future. 

     

    Best wishes. 

     

    Naomi :-)

  • Offline in reply to Nhen

    Hello Naomi,

                         l remember how l took the news of my diagnosis,it was a deep dark pit l was falling into with peoples voices just sounds in the background with no intelligible words.This was five minutes of my life,with another thirty working out how l needed to proceed for my remaining future,given my expectations were limited.So yes its very easy to understand how your Dad has accepted it,and that in its way is a very good thing,By this l mean heis not adding to his problems with increased stress of the "what ifs" and "if onlys",thats left to those loved ones around him and goes some way to explaining why they struggle more.

    l was 62 and resonably fit at diagnosis and had previous experience of fairly major operations with a body rebuilt with broken limbs having been hit by a car on my motorcycle,and two new hips later on,so l was primed if you like to keep going .It sounds like your dad has faced his own health issues,and whilst they are of the nature that carry complication issues,his mental toughness will have been strengthened by them, and used positively becomes a potent weapon in your ability to recover.

    Its tougher now on people being more isolated with Covid making the whole process harder,so l am sorry for your tears but relieved to hear that you have them now,rather than bottling them up.Difficult to see at the moment,but allowing your emotions out will allow you to deal with them and stand you in good stead and give you the resilience for the bloody hard road you face ahead..With plenty of downs to come its important to have the clearness of clarity to recognise the ups as well,although at the outset they can be a lot smaller and harder to spot,they will be present..Challeges will present themselves,in my case my visitor decided to go on holiday and visit my liver,but the positives were there to be found in this fact too.

    l hope you are able to find them in your upcoming consultation and that they are present and visible amonst the gloom.As you move forward with your dad gaining an allly in radiotherapy that can begin the eviction of his unwelcome visitor,a positive outcome would be welcome. If you feel the need to share during the tough times ahead ,l will always reply,but the one thing l will know is that he will have support of the medical team around him, doing their very best,

                                          take care,  david

  • Offline in reply to gruntifen

    David your words have made me see much clearer. I can't thank you enough! Iv been pretty much a mess since yesterday! 

     

    Take care and I wish you all the best.

     

    Thank you again. 

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