We can talk to you here. It must be a huge shock. Is there anyone you can talk to in person, such as a friend? I am waiting for results, and I am finding there is a particular friend who is just the right person to talk to - we think alike, and she doesn't make it all about her, nor make me feel as though I need to protect her. Or you could ring one of the helplines or ask for counselling via your GP. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger who cares but has a distance from the situation.

Do take care of yourself inc your mental health, so you can be there for your partner. It's good to be positive, and there is so much that they can do so there is every chance of a good recovery for your partner. But it's okay not to be positive all the time.

Thankyou, yes I know you are righr, I need to be strong for him but inside I am in freefall. You are in a hard place your self, I hope your results are positive. I daren't hope incase I leave my self weak, I am trying to galvanise myself to be ready for another hammer blow. You look after yourself, and thanks again for your reply, I guess there will always be someone here who is suffering more than me.

Shehug

Hi

I know how you feel. I've been with my lovely husband since 1990 and we have never had a row. We still love each other completely. In fact I don't think I can do life without him, I was only 22 when we met. He has just been told he has bowel cancer. We are only 3 weeks in but it feels like years. I can't stop crying. We are open and checking on each other's feelings and we are ready for a fight. I think he is getting discussed at the MDT meeting tomorrow where they will look at his biopsy and scan results and we should know how big this monster is on Tuesday hopefully. Cut the thing out as soon as possible I say. 
im sorry for your pain it's a physical pain in the heart. Just awful. I wish you strength for your journey. Xx

Hi Julia, I'm sorry for your pain, it is the worst thing ever, so many aspects of pain, worry for their pain/mental health, sadness for the unknown future without them, sadness and fear for your own loneliness. I catch myself having self pity cries and they're the easiest to pull back from because you realise it's about you not them, but the real hard cries are for their suffering and the pure sadness of life without them.  Every so often I get 5 or so minutes of tranquility and I am grateful for those moments. I always knew about living in the moment but am finding out what it really means these days.  We seen oncologist yesterday who is happy to go with chemo but has given him a year, unless we are in line for a miracle, i'm hoping we can beome one of those anectdotal cases you hear of who beat it sgainst the odds and he lives for years.  They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. stay calm, serene and grab your 5 minutes of peace when you can. thanks for replying, ir helps i think. 

She hug, I pray for your miracle. Hang on to hope. They say it's not over til the fat lady sings. Let's hope the fat lady is mute. The sun is shining today so I'm going to take him and Colin (our pet name, Colin the colon cancer) to the beach for a long walk. Blow out the negativity and appreciate the day. I thank you all so much for your replies.  It hurts hearing your stories but helps to know this nightmare is not just my nightmare. Looking at the news this morning shows so much suffering in the world. I would rather take on Colin than what the poor people of Ukraine are having to endure. It used to be the state of the environment that upset me but the world is full of pain. 
shehug, be brave my love. The words miraculous recovery wouldn't exist if it wasn't a thing. I hope it's yours. Xx

Thanks Julia, lol my partners name is colin!  You are right about Ukraine, life is so unfair and madmen or madwomen! shouldn't be allowed to run countries and ruin peoples lives, god forgive him.  The sun is shining today, we will try to go for a short walk, i will be hiding my tears but screaming inside for the most part. This is so damn hard whatever way you look at it, thanks for your kind words. It all helps.

Thanks Julia, lol my partners name is colin!  You are right about Ukraine, life is so unfair and madmen or madwomen! shouldn't be allowed to run countries and ruin peoples lives, god forgive him.  The sun is shining today, we will try to go for a short walk, i will be hiding my tears but screaming inside for the most part. This is so damn hard whatever way you look at it, thanks for your kind words. It all helps.