Hiya, I'm hoping you still feel well. I had an op 3 years ago come February for Lung cancer. I'm now 69 years old. The operation went well, no problems, fantastic team of specialists. I had been advised to have Chemotherapy, post op. I began my treatment at the beginning of April and it finished mid June. It was a Nurse run unit and it was BLOODY FANTASTIC!!  Excuse the language, but it really was a brilliant team of Nurses. Made you feel 'important', very caring, most efficient and welcomed my daughters (2 of them) to be with me. It was easy in the beginning, but I had read up on the treatment, as time went on the after effects were tough. Mainly because I had a cocktail of Chemo drugs, I had a full day 8-6 one week, 8-2 following week, then a fabulous week off. I was pretty much coping until the last 2 weeks. BUT, the drugs that your body absorbs are pretty much Toxic, so you're going to feel "quite crap" at some point. No pain, no gain. It's true! I finished my course of treatment, rang the bell (which made me cry, silly girl lol) and followed up with lots of CT scans and Oncologist appointments. As I said, it's 3 years come 13th Feb, I'm CLEAR, I have my 6th Grandchild who is 5 months old, I wouldn't have seen her without the treatment AND the Chemo. SO, bite that damn bullet, put on a brave face whilst you're there (doesn't hurt anyway) put up with feeling "crap" short term, then ENJOY the life the treatment has given you. I'm sending really big hugs and lots of love.

Back again, I hadn't read all of your posts, just the considering not having Chemo. I would say GO FOR IT GIRL!! I was married to a coercive, selfish individual for over 30 years. We divorced and I've lived alone for around 16 years. Not easy at first but FAR better than having a controller beside you.  YOU are important, YOU have a life. YOU also have a very selfish partner who thinks more of himself than anyone. I'm not saying these things to upset you or to be cruel. I really have been there and felt the immense pain. I pushed aside his first 'affair' and would NOT believe it. But the second one, that he admitted because his face had been damaged by her husband, I came to my senses and realised my self respect and the respect of my daughters was really important. Do you have sisters, brothers, Aunts etc., ? They will help and support you. It really is time to think of yourself - I hope that you will x

Back again, I hadn't read all of your posts, just the considering not having Chemo. I would say GO FOR IT GIRL!! I was married to a coercive, selfish individual for over 30 years. We divorced and I've lived alone for around 16 years. Not easy at first but FAR better than having a controller beside you.  YOU are important, YOU have a life. YOU also have a very selfish partner who thinks more of himself than anyone. I'm not saying these things to upset you or to be cruel. I really have been there and felt the immense pain. I pushed aside his first 'affair' and would NOT believe it. But the second one, that he admitted because his face had been damaged by her husband, I came to my senses and realised my self respect and the respect of my daughters was really important. Do you have sisters, brothers, Aunts etc., ? They will help and support you. It really is time to think of yourself - I hope that you will x

I left him in 2019.  Had 4 months on my own playing music.  He loves me and I love him.  We sorted it out and got back together.  He's not ****** up since, although covid put a stop to the causes. 

I'm a musician.  Quality of life with peripheral neuropathy.. well I don't know.  Do I want to take the chance by starting chemo on Thursday? I don't know. 

Spoke with my father this eve and he said I should talk to everyone I can.  I did.  From there perspective I'm a musician and it's a tough one.  That was from fellow musicians. We gigged tonight.

The final straw that had me leave in 19, appeared again tonight.  I feel I should go again.  I don't want to live out my days with that for sure. Treated or not!

I'm in no pain.  I'm playing great.  My doctor said " have you been talked to about chemo as palliative care".  I'm going to make another appt with him to see what he meant. Hopefully tomorrow.

70+% chance of peripheral neuopathy.  I feel fine.  I'm sure I've been living with this since 2020.  I think I'm going to go and live out my time without medical intervention.  I can't bear the alternative.

I delayed the start of chemo and am due to start next Wednesday.  Spent the week making the most of being me as I am now.  Caught up with old friends, more socialising etc.  I've not told them, told some people but not them.  Hopefully got wheels and booked in with the cancer centre. 

He checked my phone tonight. obvs nothing there cos I never have ??? and its always been him....I want to believe he is the same, but he deviously checked when I have nothing to hide and would have given it to him :(   I know the game though, the one that makes up things for a row :(  He didn't carry it through so maybe I'm wrong.

All these things I'm doing now as a "last" when I could have always been doing them?  Or could I?  Fkd if I'll stop because of treatment or anything else!  There is no way in this world I could do chemo without him. I simply don't have time to get that independence.

And he's just read this and bang.....we're done.

I guess people won't know how to respond to that. I don't either but here goes. Good. You don't need this stress right now (or ever, actually). Go stay with someone. Or go stay somewhere , anywhere away from him. Put yourself in the only zone that matters right now - you. I put up with that type of treatment for 27 years. Finally grew the balls to leave once and for all. Then cared for a loved relative for 18 months who passed 5 months before I was diagnosed with bc. Declined chemotherapy. Still alive and healthy after living my perfect life for one year. Every day now is a wonderful gift. Be strong. x