Hello snow-drop,

thank you so much for your kind reply, it was really reassuring to get your message. I get so emotional during the night, I manage to distract myself in the day time, but once I've been asleep for 4 hours I am wide awake and there's nowhere to hide from my scary thoughts and anxieties. 
We have very similar circumstances. My boys are 9 (10 in New Year's Eve) and 12. I've a mad dog called Rosa, who is fast becoming my night time support worker! And a husband who is just being an absolute trooper at the moment, my rock. 
So in many respects I feel blessed. 
i will let you know what i'm told at Wednesdays appointment
 

Hi,

My boys are 10 and 13, and like your husband mine has been amazing. 
 

Nights are the absolute worst, I long for the Sun to come up. 
 

i hope that although it's not the best news it's positive and they will treat it that for sure! You will be okay. 

i have a Lab and a Cocker, they are the best night time company. 
 

Much love. Xx

hi, I've just joined today, like you I have a 2cm tumour, biopsy showed spread to lymph nodes, the lump is very easy to miss, almost under right breast right near line of armpit so I guess it didn't have far to go.....mine was found  re mammogram recall, however I have had various aches and pains in both boobs and armpits, for ages, dismissed as menopause systems I am 62...and  as yet had no scan ....operation is tomorrow and like you I ve not had a good night sleep since diagnosis 4 weeks ago. told def radiotherapy and highly likely chemo...wide awake at 4am if I'm lucky.....its horrible, scary and draining.  I don't know whether to be more worried about the op or results.....def can't think straight during the night hours and I know exactly how you feel!   it's normal....I'm in awe of people that just get on with things....I wish!  but we are all different.   I have been signed off work long term but hubby still working and I will feel vulnerable when he is out!! I too have the most adorable labradoodle that calms me!   please be kind to yourself , recognise you are processing a  lot of brand new information.....I put rubbish on TV eg love island...works for me xxx  more than happy to keep in touch xx

Hi Hev999,

A very warm welcome to our forum, although I'm sorry to hear why you're here. I was just 2 years younger than you when I was first diagnosed and I had a second bout the following year. That was 12 years ago and I still lead a busy and fulfilled life.

Like you, I was petrified of the operations, but both were quite straightforward and much easier to deal with than I imagined. I sincerely hope that all goes well for you tomorrow. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Good luck with your operation tomorrow Hev999. I have a friend who is an oncologist (not breast cancer).  I went to see him and his wife yesterday for a cup of tea and a chat, it was such a reassuring conversation. His overall message was that these days breast cancer is so treatable, he was really positive.  
move decided I am not going to try and attempt to work during treatment as I work in a school so I don't want to be exposed to anymore germs than my boys will be bringing home. Plus, I'd really like to spend some of the time with my mum, who I know will be desperate to look after me (when I tell her..... that's another big worry on my mind, telling my mum!)

these dogs are great for cuddles and emotional support. I made myself a Horlicks at 4am the other night and shared some with Rosa.... omg, she loved it! She kept going back to her empty bowl and licking it!

Hello Sarah and Hev999

just wanted to let you know that I had my follow up yesterday and I've found out that my lump is 2.2cm, at least 3 lymoh nodes are affected and it's triple positive. I am hoping to meet my oncologist and start to my first round of chemo next week. They want to shrink it before operating. It's not metastasised to anywhere else (apart from lymphs) but it is very aggressive so they need to start to blast the **** out of it :)

where are you both at in treatment? 
Take care, Stef x

Hi I was thinking about you yesterday,

Thats good that they are being so quick! I have a couple of friends that are having Chemo first before surgery.

i Start Chemo on the 30th, I have a pre chat in the 21st then a Pic line appointment. 
 

I am ok about the Treatment but I don't know what to tell my boys they are 10 and 13. Sadly my situation is tricky because my Dad passed away in September from Cancer and my father in law a year before that so of course if I say cancer they will think the worst. 
 

i am going too cold cap I think, I absolutely love my long blonde hair, but I will see what they say in the 21st. They will refer you too the Wig Shop anyway. 
 

You will find it all a whirlwind but they will sort it out.
 

Ps have you told your mum?? I found that a the worst part but she just wants too wrap me in cotton wool and look after me , Xxx

Hi Sarah

There’s more to update you on…. I am at a hospital in Manchester and I’ve met my oncologist and his nursing team. They are all such wonderful and positive people:)

I am going to have 6 rounds of TCHP at 3 week intervals. TCHP is taxotere & Carboplatin (the chemo drugs given IV) and Trastuzumab (aka herceptin) & Pertuzumab (the targeted therapy monoclonal antibodies given subcutaneously into my thigh). 

All this fun and games starts on 23rd December when I go to the hospital at 9.30am for round 1. 

So, will you find out your chemo regime on the 21st? I’ll be thinking of you x

I am sure you said you’ve already had a lumpectomy? My chemo is neoadjuvant, so hopefully shrinking my tumour and mopping up any other cancer cells floating about before my operation. It’s fast growing too so I think that’s why they are being so speedy. Christmas is going to be a right off. But that is fine. I am thinking of the Christmas days to come:)

So after I met my oncologist on Thursday afternoon, I thought right, now is the time to tell the boys. They took it surprisingly well. They were very happy to not go into school on the last day too!! As far as they are concerned I’ve got cancer, I’ll probably go bald (which my youngest thinks is hilarious) but I will get better. I felt it was very important to instil in them that I will get better and not die. Their only other experience of cancer is with my stepdad. After months of complaining to his dr that he had a chest infection that just would not clear up, he got really poorly and ended up in A&E. March 1st a CT Scan revealed advanced lung cancer. He was too poorly even for palliative chemo. He died at home with my mum, my sister and me on 19th March. So it has been a hugely traumatic year so far. Tbh I was more worried about telling my mum than the boys. Since Alan has died, mum has relied heavily on me, but I have told her now. She took it ok. I made it sound very positive. And it’s a big burden off my shoulders to have told her. 

We also lost my father in law last December to Covid….. we have soooo much in common!!

I too have long blond hair, I have cold capping as an option but to be honest I think I’ll be ok with hair loss. As long as it grows back! It’s not always that successful anyway, and I’m not sure i can be bothered going through the pain of having a cold head. Will you cold cap?

I have also started on some sleeping pills. Since diagnosis I have slept only 3-4 hours per night; my brain is just wired with so many thoughts. As much as Rosa loved our 3am sofa cuddles and horlicks i think getting good solid sleep in advance of Thursday makes good sense. I am actually on an antihistamine which makes you drowsy as a side effect. It’s great. Just what I needed and not addictive like other proper sleeping pills. 

Since going public with my diagnosis, I have had f at o mdd as my messages and good wishes. I feel I need to employ a press secretary to reply to them all!

Hev999 - are you still following this thread? Such a good job your mammogram picked up the bc. How’s the sleeping going? I’d definitely recommend what I’m taking. 

I take 1 x 25mg st bedtime and another 25mg if I wake in the night. I’ve now had 2 consecutive good nights sleep and it is soooooo restorative :)

Ok ladies, I’ve written quite an epistle, I’d live to know how you’re getting both getting on when you’ve got a minute. 

Take care of yourselves,

Stef xx

Hi hun,

So pleased they are moving so quickly! It's such a relief when things are planned.

I will be having FEC x3 one every 3x weeks then I'm having 3x Docetaxel again one every three weeks. I am going to try the cold cap, and see if I can keep some of my hair. 
 

i have my bloods done on the 28th

pic line on the 29th. I just hope covid doesn't hold things up too much. 

i will be thinking of you! We will be be fine, another step closer to getting our lives back! 

i am so pleased you have told the children I am still thinking on this one and I think that I will just know when the time is right. 
 

Good idea on the Sleeping tablets, I could do with some.

my friends had their first Chemo and they were fine after so you will hopefully be ok at Xmas! Fingers crossed 

much love xx