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My Mums Breast cancer diagnosis

pops98
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My mum was diagnosed with breast this year in early May which came as a massive shock to my whole family she felt a lump around mid April and went to the doctors her mammogram wasn't until September so the doctor brought it forward she went and was told by the doctor they think it could be cancer but they have to do a biopsy to make sure (she was told this on her own by a doctor who showed no empathy what so ever which in my opinion no one should ever be given news like that on their own) she had a biopsy done then got a phone call to say it was breast cancer she had stage 2 estrogene positive which ive been told is classed as early stage breast cancer after the diognosis the plan was surgery to remove the tumour then 6 rounds of chemo and 12 rounds of radiotherapy and tamoxifen for the next 10 years she was given great results and a great prognosis 93% chance of it never returning she is now cancer free I'm 22 and feel very alone I'm very very close with my mum and I come from a really small family only 4 of us and feel I have to be strong for everyone else around me that is worrying too I don't really have anyone to talk to when I'm worried growing up I've always went to my mum to talk when I've been anxious/ worried and I can't do that this time I have to be strong for her I have took this quite bad and looking for some advice on how to deal with it and how to help my mum with her worries  I feel like now the shock has worn off I'm starting to process what has actually happened in the last few months I'm so happy she is cancer free but I'm really struggling with worrying about the future and struggling with how to deal with the uncertainty about it returning any advice would be really appreciated. X

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    Hi. Your post struck a chord with me as i went through similar - however - my mum behaved like a monster when she had cancer and it really traumatised me and reopened how i'd felt as a child growing up. It concerns me that out of a family of 4 - you feel you have to be the strong one when an emotionally healthy family would all pull together? Although you are very very close with your mum - it seems you don't feel you can discuss how you feel with her and i just wonder whether these feelings/issues would benefit from being explored as they can be rooted when a child has always emotionally been there for a parent even though it seems on the surface that it is the parent who has always been there for the child. Now that your mum is cancer free with a very low chance of it returning - do you think you can now discuss how you have been feeling? If you feel scared of doing so then again - this is a bit of a red flag that perhaps your relationship is co-dependent and that a positive step forward would be to widen your circle and gradually emotionally separate more from your mum (a healthy process) and have friends etc that you can get support from. I may be way off the mark but this is exactly how i felt with my mum but looking back - the closeness that i thought we had and that i thought really helped me, was actually making my anxiety worse. Of course - the prospect of losing a parent is naturally very scary but the more you can be honest about your feelings and the less dependent you are on your mum's support - the less "certainty" you will need about the future because you will know you have the inner resources to cope x

  • Offline in reply to Anon.J

    Thanks for the reply, ive had to make a new account I forgot my password, my mums actually dealt with it really well she's been so positive im really proud of her. I've always been told by my mum and dad growing up to talk about my worries to them in their words a problem shared is a problem halfed I think I don't want to talk to my mum about what I'm worried about because I feel like I shouldn't be worried she's the one that's had to go through hell and back I need to be there for her even though she tells me to talk to her if im worried all the time and the same with the rest of my family I don't want to worry them with my dark thoughts either I just think I need to find a better way to deal with my worry and it's the same with my friends I don't think they really understand either as they haven't been through it I think they think now she's cancer free I shouldn't be as worried because that's it over but to be honest if I hadn't been through this I'd probably think the same it's not until you go through it you realise the knock on effect it has on all the family and the worries don't leave straight away x

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