Hi Kaz, Karen here. I hope you're feeling OK today. I wanted to reply to you as I'm 4 years into my cancer diagnosis and resonate with how you are feeling. I felt exactly the same after my chemo ended in 2018, you certainly don't expect to be feeling like that do you...but plenty of people do. I went to a gynae workshop for cancer patients in 2018 run by our macmillan nurses who had asked a clinical psychologist to attend. Her session was the one all of us bonded over...she spoke about the feelings from a cancer diagnosis/treatment as a grief cycle, we all realised we had been on it/were still going through it. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling and I promise you it will get better! I spoke to my mcmillan nurse and got an appointment with the psychologist who really helped me to understand why I was feeling so lost. Is this something you could do? They will know exactly how you are feeling.

Whst do you enjoy doing? Write a list and do one thing every day (paint your nails, see a friend, find a nice recipe to cook/bake, learn something new?)

Can you take supplements for your hair and skin? Collagen or biotin are supposed to be good...can you speak to a macmillan nurse or speak to a charity about a wig? I know they aren't for everyone but it may help you bring back your confidence...they are all the rage with the young ones these days! 

Cancer is part of your journey but isn't the whole of you. You are still the wonderful Kaz you always were!

Sebding you hugs 

Sorry to hear about your Dad, I hope it is treatable.  I wear a wig at the moment, the one in my profile pic but I hate wearing them as they don't fit properly.  I have just booked a facial for next week which I used to have pre-cancer so I'm hoping that will make me feel better xx

Oh Kaz I can't believe you went through all that alone! You sound like you are doing amazing but I do know life isn't all about the busy times it's the quiet moments that you have to fight the negativity. I really would recommend you speak to you macmillan nurse, they are so helpful.

I was going to say your hair will grow back as beautiful as in your picture...it's a good wig, it really suits you.

Starting back at the gym sounds amazing, it'll give you something to focus on. Small weights will help to tone too, could you speak to an instructor for a personalised programme if they aren't doing that already? 

Enjoy your facial and getting back into the gym. Take care and reach out on this platform if needed. There's also nice communities on Facebook and Instagram, it's not just for millennials

take care x