Grief is overwhelming

Really struggling, I lost my wonderful husband , in January to lung cancer/pancoast tumour, watched him battle it for 2 years , the end came really suddenly, even though I was expecting it , I wasn't expecting it ! The loss is overwhelming, I sleep with his ashes for comfort, I just miss him so much , every day is an effort. I'm back at work , to try and carry on , for our three grown sons , and grandchildren, but everyone seems to expect me to be ok , I cry so much my chest hurts , I talk to him constantly, I know I sound like I'm dwelling and wanting sympathy, I really don't want that , I honestly feel frustrated at what's happened. I feel even more guilty, because my brother passed away early February, one week after we cremated my husband, I'm devastated, losing two people I love so much , I haven't even grieved properly for my brother, as it means not thinking about my husband. My heart is in bits , I thought it would get a little easier to breathe, but I feel I'm getting more anxious about losing them. I don't want medication, as I don't want to blur my emotions, I owe them my grief and tears , but dear god it hurts so much .  I'm just writing this , to get it out . I hope people don't mind . I know everyone on this site is hurting/ grieving/ just coping, people say it's a journey, it's not a journey, it's a nightmare. 

  • Hello Lassie

    I'm so sorry to hear that you're really struggling at the moment. Grief is a natural process, but it can be devastating and to lose both your husband and brother in such a short space of time, well it's no wonder that you're feeling overwhelmed. 

    I hope that writing down your thoughts and feelings here on the forum has helped. Please do keep writing if it makes the burden a little lighter for you to carry. I'd also really encourage you to get in touch with an organisation called Cruse who offer bereavement support. Alternatively, you might want to reach out to your local Maggie's centre, local hospice or GP for some counselling support. 

    Grief can be a very lonely journey but there are lots of people who will do all they can to make sure you're not alone and that you are supported so please do reach out. 

    Sending you my best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 


  • Hey Lassie,

    I'm feeling your pain and struggle. I lost the love of my life 8 weeks ago to bowel cancer - it was very quick in the end - I was not expecting it that day and never got to say good bye due to COVID restrictions on visiting the hospice. I, like you don't know how I'm getting through the days. I too am back at work the last 2 weeks but am just going through the motions as it takes up 8 hours of my day that I don't have to sit, think and cry about him. I'm only 50 and he was only 58 and we had so much more to do in life. We were on the second time round as we had a relationship in the nineties and managed to find each other again 10 years ago which makes it even harder to lose him again. Some days I wonder how I'll ever cope, but somehow I do. Rationally, I know life has to go on and I know that I will get on but I feel as though I'm walking through treacle as everything seems to be so tough at the moment - I know things will get better but it just doesn't seem that way at the minute. I'm on my own (no children) which is harder at times - I know that this is the grieving period but like you am feeling that it's SO DAMN HARD AND UNFAIR. I am lucky to have his family around me and for that I am grateful. For me keeping occupied and busy is the key - then I don't have the time to sit and think and get upset. I really hope you get through the horrid times at present and I'm hoping as I'm sure you are that there is some sort of light at the end of the tunnel for us. Always here to listen for you .