Hi there, 

I'm writing this out of desperation in trying to figure out whether anyone else, as a loved one who lives with the cancer-sufferer, suffers from mental after-effects. There are not many forums for the children of cancer-sufferers.

My Dad has had Leukaemia for a few years now, and it suddenly progressed very quickly over last year and I had to balance studying with seeing him in hospital. He was in the hospital for most of the year and it was extremely stressful as he was around a half-hour drive away each time. When he was first diagnosed, I was 15 and now I'm 19. A year before this, my grandad died and so all I could think back to was the pain of my Grandad's death and could not mentally translate that to my own father dying so soon.  

I always get super anxious when I'm trying to sleep, as I think back to it and often get really upset even though he is okay now and things are looking positive. I feel sick when thinking of leaving my parents. I worry about anyone I love dying, as I had to consider it a possibility at the worst of my Dad's illness. I get irritable when I feel I'm not making the most of my life and have had a couple of meltdowns when looking at moving on with my education to do a degree apprenticeship...I don't know whether this connection makes sense but it is one that often arises. I feel as though by moving on with my life, I'm leaving my parents behind and it really really bothers me. I struggle to talk about it and get extremely emotional as I get flashbacks.

Even writing this the anxiousness is building. The pandemic hasn't been great as I haven't had many distractions to steer my mind away from the thoughts but it just causes me to get so anxious and I absolutely hate it. 

I'd love to hear from someone else who has experienced this or has a child who is going through the same. I'd appreciate the perspective of both sides. 

He is better now and only takes oral chemo and an array of other tablets along with regular hospital appointments and lives a mostly back to normal life but I still can't help to hold onto these residual feelings. 

Thank you so much, any replies would be extremely appreciated. 

Jophee