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Marriage issues

st2020
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Hey all, new to the forum and just needed somewhere to express my feelings to others that may understand

So, I'm 29 and was diagnosed with high grade DLBC Non Hodgkin's lymphoma this year and went through 4 cycles of R-CHOP then 2 rounds of just Rituximab. Now nearly 2 months into remission During treatment I just found me and my husband drifting further and further apart, especially when I lost all my hair and gained a lot of weight during. And found it strange he wasn't very supportive through the process and kind of shut down (assume it was his coping mechanism). 

I'm now losing weight and doing well and hair is growing back but my husband and I still don't seem to be connecting anymore. He acts as if everything in the marriage is fine but I voice my concerns and it just doesn't seem to be heard. He takes tablets as he suffers with depression so instantly takes it as a personal attack when I say things and begins to talk so badly about himself like "I know I'm a terrible husband".

We are not affectionate at all anymore, some days he doesn't even want to kiss me and well our sex life is non existent. He says, I didn't even notice we haven't been affectionate. To me, that is an issue.

As we have drifted apart, I just don't feel connected at all to him and he doesn't make any effort to fight for this marriage or even just spend quality time with me. It's always phone, PS4 or the kittens We don't have many decent conversations at all anymore and I just feel extremely lonely. I just don't know how to improve my marriage anymore

Anyone else been through this or have any advice or tips?

Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings

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    Hello st2020, 

    First of all, well done for getting through your treatment and for being now 2 months into remission. I hope you are feeling well after this intensive treatment regime. It's a shame that your husband hasn't given you the support you needed at the time and that you feel that you have been drifting apart. Perhaps you could look into getting marriage or couples counselling? Having a few sessions might help you both reconnect on an emotional and physical level so it's worth perhaps exploring this option. It sounds like there have been communication issues between you two and I hope that you can find a way together to reignite things a little and that you learn to talk to one another again. Perhaps as you said, shutting down was his coping mechanism when you were going through treatment and he is now finding it difficult to revert to his old self. 

    I hope that you will hear from others here who have had similar relationship issues before as a result of a cancer diagnosis or cancer treatment and that they will give you some good tips on how to improve the situation. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator  

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Thank you Lucie :happy: Counseling sounds like a great idea! Thank you for taking the time to read this and answer me :laugh:

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