In June 2019, after 6 years not seeing her, I was able to see my Mom for only ten days but one hour before her flight she  told us, my sister and I, that she'd had a breast cancer stage 4. She was very optimistic and strong as usual but she's broken my heart. 

I am from Syria,  I moved to Egypt in 2013 due to the unrests in my country , my sister moved to Germany same year However, Mom refused to leave her home. Two years ago I had the chance to come to the UK as a refugee via the UN since I hadn't had  legal residence in Egypt. Now,I can't go back  to Syria because I will loose my residence in the UK , same for my  sister in Germany. And I probably don't have to tell how is hard for a Syrian passport holder like my mom to travel.

Anyway,   My mother is on chemotherapy, She's very weak she doesn't eat and breathes difficultly. The last scan shows that the tumor has shrinked 40%. But she still very ill. I feel guilty because I am away. I need to hold her. And I know that I'll be a huge support for her.on the other hand I'll lose my life here to go to the middle of the hell in Syria. To be honest our home is in a safe place but there's no work no money nothing for me to do there. Am I selfish ? I devastated and extremely confused.