Hi My Angels4, 

i really sorry you’re having a tough time at the moment. The current situation does makes things worse I think. 

I don’t know if I have a solution but I do know how you feel. I’ve said the same things as you for feeling a fraud, I only had a mastectomy (unfortunately my reconstruction failed and recon probably won’t be this year now) and avoided chemo/radiotherapy so felt I had nothing to be upset about. I didn’t cope all the way through treatment which finished last May and have struggled ever since. I haven’t returned to work and have just resigned from my job mainly like you I’m struggling with depression. It never leaves my thoughts and I’m frustrated with myself for not having moved on. 

What I have learned is that most of what you’re feeling is normal and it takes time. You don’t say if you’ve had any counselling which maybe something to consider? I’ve spoken to the nurses at Breast Cancer Now a few times when things have become overwhelming and they’ve helped so much. They suggested the Someone Like Me telephone service they have where they match you with a volunteer who has had a similar experience to you to contact you as often as you want to talk. I don’t know what your friends and family are like but mine, have been pretty supportive but are lost as to why I’m still feeling like I do. Talking to the lady I’ve been matched with has been a huge help, just having someone tell you it’s normal and it’s ok is great. 

I think the over riding message that everyone everyone tells me is that you need to give yourself time, don’t feel bad for feeling bad (not easy I know) and, like you’re already doing focus on the things that give you joy. No doubt the pre cancerous cells have added to your anxiety but hopefully when that’s done this week and you get the results you can put that behind you. Unfortunately the thoughts of reoccurrence are difficult to cope with but everyone says they lessen. 

I hope you get some more replies and that you’re ok. Take care and if you want to message please do xx 

Hi

Thank you for your reply, and for your suggestions.  I have very supportive family and friends but like you say they don't seem to understand why it is taking me so long to get past this.  I have been getting help from Steps2Wellbeing but their help is more to do with trying to control your anxiety rather than helping to heal the problem.  Maybe that is something I will look into. 

Take care, stay safe.