Hello Lucy51, 

A warm welcome to our forum. You've been through a lot in the last year - so it's normal to still be in shock and for things to take a bit of time to process. I am sure you are not the only one feeling this way and I hope others on this forum will come and talk to you and share their own similar experiences. The current situation probably doesn't help and I hope you are managing to keep in touch on the phone with your friends who are right when they say you need to be kind to yourself and just take a day at a time especially at the moment when we are unable to make as many plans as we used to. I know this is easier said than done though so don't worry if you feel a little bit overwhelmed by everything at times.

It might help you to talk things through with one of our nurses. You can ring them for free on this number 0808 800 4040 - their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. Don't feel embarrassed it is totally normal to be experiencing all these emotions. You are definitely not alone - many here will understand exactly how you are feeling at the moment. 

I hope that reconstruction will be an option for you in the future and that some of our members will be along shortly to share their experiences on this with you. We have detailed information on breast reconstruction on this page which I hope will be useful to you. 

We're all here for you anytime you need to chat!

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Lucie, 

thank you so much for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it. Thank you passing on the details of the helpline. I think I’m frustrated with myself and just need to work my way through it. Sometimes it feels very lonely trying to cope with how I’m feeling and I just need to try to cope a little better 

Lucy x 

Hello Lucy,

I completed  my treatment at the end of February. I had a breast reduction when they removed the tumour followed by 15 radiotherapy sessions. 

Like you I was horrified/shocked by my diagnosis (in October 2019) and never really felt able to consider much until treatment stopped happening. On the surface I think I manage very well, but inside I am at times still scared and unsure of my future. It can threaten to overwhelm me at times but I try and distract myself with other things. Don’t feel bad that you have low mood/anxious periods etc. I honestly believe most cancer patients do at various times.  I have great mates and a lovely husband who have all supported me really well, but do they truly ‘get it’. I don’t think so.  Certainly I find the people on this site the most insightful and helpful. Reach out when you need to. I have and will continue to because this IS the toughest thing most people have to face. 

The ‘be positive’ message is all well and good but we can’t do that 24/7 it’s just not possible. There’s no shame attached to that. Sometimes just letting our feelings go is absolutely the right thing to do. It’s your right!! Cancer is crap! 

I wish you well. 

Kebb x 

Hi Kebb

thank you for taking the time to reply. I’m glad things are going in the right direction for you. I don’t think you get the chance to take in what’s happened until it’s over. My treatment was 11 weeks start to finish so I barely had time to think before I’m being told to go and enjoy the rest of my life. Easier said than done when I was expecting to have a reconstruction but came away with a reduction and skin sparing mastectomy (not pretty at all). 

I didn’t think a year on I would be feeling like this, (today is another emotional day), no closer to having the final op and realising I’ll probably have to stay like I am for sometime yet if I’m lucky enough to have the recon at all.

im not meaning to be selfish it’s just trying to come to terms with how things are for me in the hope that I’ll put it behind me one day. 

Thank you again and I hope you continue to recover xx  

Lucy you aren’t being selfish! This cancer experience is really tough. It asks a lot of us and looking ‘different’ to how we once did and feeling ‘threatened’ in a way we haven’t known before. It’s horrible and emotionally draining. Never ever apologise for feeling the way you do. Everyone on here will ‘get ‘ that. Truly. We are all battling with the aftermath on a daily basis. We just all do it differently! 

Its helped me to rant and rave with a counsellor. Somehow the angst is released. I also (well I used to) swim most days too which also helped. Perhaps these things wouldn’t suit or fit with your life but talking helps I find and physical exercise also helps. Have to say though walking isn’t really my thing and I don’t get the ‘feel good ‘ factor from it at all although I do walk everyday during this lock down. 

My head is still holding onto a fear. Not sure I will ever quite let go of that. It’s early days though. Go easy on yourself.  

Take care Lucy. 

Shirkey x