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Struggling with moving forward

Coll0042
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Hi

I was wondering if anyone else was feeling the same?

I started my cancer treatment with chemo, have had my surgery, am awaiting radiotherapy within a matter of only weeks away and then have to have Herceptin and Pertuzamab until November. Last Thursday I was told that the chemo had done a better than expected job when they got in there during the surgery and that I am now cancer free.

I have had moments of feeling really happy about all this of course but have since gone downhill. Why do I feel like this? I have also managed to do some form of work most of the way through my treatment. I am desperate to get back to normal at work as I am passionate about what I do but am also terrified as I ashamedly admitted to my manager that I was suicidal when I was diagnosed and I'm scared that I'm going to let my manager and my team down at work due to my fatigue and confidence. My manager and I had a discussion today about a plan to get back to my normal role which I should be excited and happy about. Instead I feel reluctant and terrified. What on earth do I do about this?

 

  • Hello Coll0042

    I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with things at the moment. I can remember from some of your earlier posts that it's been a difficult time for you. 

    There is no right nor wrong way to feel about about things. You have been through a lot and it will take time to process things and begin to find your way forwards again. 

    I know that you relationship with your Manager has suffered a little over the past months. I'm glad to hear that you've been able to sit and talk about a return to work plan. It sounds as if they are trying to be supportive of you getting back to your normal work role and helping to ensure that things are a success. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to go back and hit the ground running. It will take time and I'm sure that your colleagues, manager and employer will understand this. 

    I know that quite a few women have mentioned on the forum recently how they have taken part in "moving on" courses and found them to be of great help. I've linked some inforamtion for you but please do speak to your breast care nurse who will know more about what may be available locally to support you through this next phase of your recovery. 

    I'm sure that you will find a way forward through this, just as you have found your way through your treatment. Just remember to be kind to yourself and not expect too much too soon. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator

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