Hi there ..

Firstly this is just my feelings , what I believe, I know there's many different views .. that's the best thing about this site ...it's mainly because wer all different any what's right for one doesn't mean it's right for someone else ...

I believe in trying to protect children of all ages ... they pick up whispers/ vibes and are more scared because of the secrecy... I was lied to when I was 7 when my grandad died .. only to be told by another child that my grandad was dead .. I never got over that , and I'll never forgive them .. though it taught me my first real lesson .. children need gentle honesty... for their age .. 

I told my son who was 7 at the time , sitting on my lap, that nanny had gone to heaven because she was very poorly, and up there there is no pain and nanny wouldn't need her walking stick or tablets .. and if we looked up at night the bright twinkling star was her looking down ..  yes he still had a few tears but he grew up knowing honesty...

Now on my cancer journey, my granddaughter was 5 then, yet we told her nanny was very poorly but the Drs were going to try to make it better...  she knows I've only one boob now .. to where she wanted to know how I was going to feed babies ... but she's 8 now, and knows if I do go, I'll be the little star next to the bright one as that's my mum's...  and I'll look down every night .. 

I think you have delayed trauma from being a child .. and I watch this morning with the specimens who treat people with your kind of trauma .. they go back to how you felt years ago .. knowing how poorly your mum was but never sharing feelings or talking about  it .. youve never delt with that .. but look how scared you felt but shes still here .. you didnt loose her .. so she was a model cancer serviver ... 

Yes we may get cancer ... we may get run over by a bus ... we may have a heart attack like my mum ... we may get dementure like my sister ... and we can use ever waking moment and every day to worry what may happen ... or we can live every day like I do now with my own cancer ... yes I may not be here tomorrow but I'm here today ... so even with all my health worries ... I make sure I smile every day ... and fill today with as many happy memories I cann ... I refuse to worry and think about tomoz ... 

I think they have written a book .. go on this morning page and see how they help so many people ...

Now take to day and grab it ... we can't change the past .. but we can change the future .. Chrissie xx

Hi Chrissie 

Thank you so much for your reply. I really, really appreicate it. 

Totally agree with the 'we have no control' vibe. I have always been happy go lucky and relaxed. I think that is why I struggle so much with the anxiety feelings etc! 

I actually sat and spoke to y mum the evening of when I posted on here - I feel so much better for that. 

I have also booked an appointment at the Doctors for Tuesday 10th - I have little round lumps in my neck.... no idea?! obviously I googled and it said CANCER...and thats all I thought! 

I have also had some really sharp pains in my armpit and my left breast - but me sitting at home freaking myself out isnt helping anything and is making me sit and panic! So I have booked an appointment and want to just get all my worries out in the open!! 

Thank you so much for your kind words - you are such a fabulouly brave soul and I admire you for living life to the full with your wonderful family! Charlotte xx

Hi there ..

Let us know how you go ... my first four call backs from mamorgrams over the years were fine... 8.5 out of 10 lumps are benign... but hold on in there ... fingers crossed ...  Chrissie x

Hi what a terrible time you have had. And I'm not suprosed you have a terrible health anxiety. Have you tried counselling. My mum had health anxiety for 50 years.  It consumed her but she never sought help. How I wished she had sought help. As I grew up watching her terrified of everything. I then went through my own health anxiety for about 10 years but I had counselling and I started taking citalopram. And I no longer suffer with it.  I have my moments.  Mum died from cancer 3 months ago. Her absolute fear. She was 70. It sent me into a health anxiety spiral. And then I thought. I'm not bloody doing this. I'm not going to let cancer take my mum and my mind. If I get it, worrying is going to do nothing. So I'm vigilant. But not overly vigilant. I try and be healthy but still enjoy myself. I won't let this horrible

disease destroy us all. 

Hello Lovely, 

Thank you for such lovely words. 

So sorry to hear about you loosing your dear mum, such a terrible shame. 

The anxiety has spiked more recenetly, I just can't shake the worry off. Then I get a twinge or a pain and I go crazy! 

I am going to the doctors next week, just to get them to have a check of my neck (I have these small round ball like things I can move around?! most probably my glands....) then I occasionally get this piercing shotting pain in my arm pit, and sometimes in my boob?! No idea... could that just be stress related?! who knows!! 

I will talk to them about the aniexty in general too! 

Thanks again, I admire how you have taken what you have been through and are trying to live a postive life! Seriously, amazing! xxxx