My mum passed away in may. She was ill for a few weeks and finally after the doctors listened she got tests done and was told she has cancer but wasn't given any support or a treatment plan 10 days later she passed away in hospital. I had been on holiday as she said I had to go (felt so guilty for going) and got a call to say I had to come back as had been told she had a couple of days to live. I will never forget the smile on her face when I turned up at hospital at 2am because I wanted to see her straight away this was on a Thursday and she passed away on the Sunday. I have never felt so empty in all my life. I'm 31 have a older brother and dad but everything was left for me to do  I had to tell my nan her daughter had passed away I had to sign her death certificate I had to organise the whole funeral and not once did I get help from them. If it wasn't for my finacee I don't know what I would of done. It would of been her birthday on the 19th November and Christmas was always our thing we went all out I just feel like now it's hit me that she is gone and I'm scared to let the grief come out as I don't know if I would come back out of it. I work in a GP surgery so work is a struggle I just don't know where to turn. Sorry for the rant