I can't imagine what you are going through . I am in a state of constant anxiety at the moment. My 26 year old son has recently  been diagnosed with brain cancer with a very bleak prognosis. I have noticed such changes in him physically and mentally and I now spend most of my days caring for his needs. I truly believe that parents find inner strength from within to help us deal with these situations. I know I am going to be in your position soon and feel heartbroken for you. I have no words to comfort you and wish I could say something to help. I hope you find some peace soon. Take care. 

So sorry to hear,about your soon it is devastating .And as you say where do we get the strength from I looked after my son for a year except the last week he was in a hospice feel so empty now  .

I totally understand what you are going through.My heart goes out to you.We are strangers brought together by the worst possible thing imaginable.I lost my 23 year old son to a rare,non genetic cancer.I looked after him for 22 months and like you in and out of hospital and finally a hospice.I know exactly how that massive gap feels and how it feels impossible to live without him.I am here to help you in any way I can.Please ask me anything at all.

Hi thank for your kind message .If you don't mind me asking how long is it since you lost your son .I know everyone is saying it will get better with time but how long 

..

Edward died 4 years ago at the end of this month.I still have some truly awful moments but I expect to which in a way helps.Edward's death left a giant black hole in my life.Huge beyond the imagination.I thought that it would get smaller over time but it doesn't.The loss of a child is not something that you can ever get over.The black hole is the same size but over time I have learnt to live my life around it.

I hope this makes sense.It is of course only my opinion based on me and how I have experienced things.

Please ask me anything else.I am here to help in any way I can.

I am sorry to hear after 4 years it is still as painful I keep getting told it will get easier but only those that have gone through it will understand .I have still not gone back to work yet if you were working at the time of your sons death how long before you were able to go back .It is good to talk to someone who has gone through the same..Thank you 

I am very happy to help in any way I can.

I do not think that the loss of a child ever gets easier but life around that loss evolves.At the beginning there was, for me, only the loss of Edward.It was all consuming.Slowly over time life crept back in and today I lead a generally happy and fulfilled life.The loss of Edward is as huge but the life around that loss has grown and massively improved.

I had a part time job when Edward was taken ill.I gave it up to look after him.I never wanted to go back to work but it was not a job of any great note.

I think that you will know when the time is right to return to work.Most definitely do not put any pressure on yourself to return before you feel that you can cope with it.

I hope this helps.

Thankvyou for your reply .I know it feels like I will always feel this sadness in my life and never get over losing Ryan but as you said you never get over it just learn to live with it and through time it will feel better so helpful to know,someone has gone through the sane .The way I feel at the moment is very angry Ryan was taken away from me and I am the only one,who has been through this which I know is not true cantchelp the way you feel .

You have every right to feel angry.It is a very normal way to feel.You should never have lost your son.It is totally wrong and not the natural order of life.

Edward was tall,slim,ate sensibly,never smoked,rarely drank and was very sporty.

After he had died I would feel so much anger inside me when I saw strangers twice Edward's age and more  who had very obviously abused their bodies over time and were very much alive. Why did such a healthy young man have to die ? There is no answer to that and I doubt that there will be in my lifetime.

There are many layers to grief and anger is one of them.Don't try and suppress it.Let it out.....in your own way.Be angry.You have every right to be.