hello,

i was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015 and had chemo, mastectomy and radiotherapy, reconstruction, oopherectomy.

i take exemestene daily but suffer from chronic, debilitating  joint pain. I can walk but not for long. I walked around town to get my kids school uniform on Monday and have been in extreme pain with joints ever since.(it’s Friday now.) I dread school trips (I’m a teacher) as I don’t know if I can last the day or what I’ll be like for the following week. I also have a huge swollen stomach post tram flap reconstruction and the surgeon can’t explain why but that also causes pain when I walk, sometimes severely. Still waiting for a referral. I feel like an old lady, exercise is torture, even swimming, as my local pool is too cold, hurts my joints. I used to run daily and now walking is too much. I’ve tried painkillers but they upset my stomach. Feel like an old lady in a train wreck body. Don’t want to work anymore as I’m either tired or in pain, but can’t retire for a minimum 14 years. Cancer was kinder to me than some of the people I’ve worked with this past year. Feel trapped in my life and body and the joy of still being alive is overhung by the pain of living and the fear of recurrence. Feel like I’m treading water with nothing to look forward too but more if the same. Can’t tell anyone how I feel, don’t want to worry them or risk losing a job that they’ve already tried booting me out of this past year. I’m not the same person I was and I just want to be left alone. I get joy from my dog and kids but my job and moving suck the life out of me. I’m not depressed, just realistic and honest about my predicament. I know things can always be worse and I’m lucky in many ways. I give myself a kick up the ... every day to snap out of it but I guess I just feel sad sometimes and angry. Tried counselling, wasn’t for me. So I just plod on. I feel that my life ended at 40 when I was diagnosed. Can’t wait to retire, it’s my main goal in life. No point changing jobs, I’m in the best pension and salary position even if the people I work with are sub-human. Plus I don’t think I’d sell myself well at an interview anymore as I don’t dance that dance anymore. What you see is what you get.

has anyone else felt this way ir am I just being pathetic? Any suggestions for managing joint pain or how to exercise when everything hurts? Also has anyone out there had a hugely swollen stomach post tram flap? I also get weird red rashes that come and go all over my body sporadically. My onc can’t understand what causes it, but I guess my body is just messed up after everything. I’m sorry if I’m a whinge-bag. I know I’m meant to just be happy and skipping about just because I’m alive. Wish I was that way. I am grateful to still be here.