Hi there ...

So sorry , your feeling so low ... life and cancer can be crule ... but as someone who over the years has had a cesarean scar vertically... a hysterectomy horizontally...huge stretch marks ... and now a scar where my boob used to be ..  well l just made my self think of the alternative... and l know I'd rather be here scared , then not be here at all ... l look at my scars that tell the story of my journey through life ... 

There's always two ways of looking at a coin ... some see heads and some tails, but it's the same coin .. we can be really upset over those things or we can think it was worth the price to still see those we love .. l think every day is a bonus ... every day l say thank you ... 

But if I'd been younger , I would maybe have felt different .. and I can see why people get depressed over this journey ... it's the hardest one we will have in life ... but no mater how angry or upset we get , we cannot change the past ... but we can look forward to those memories we can make ... where we may not have had any time left ... and time is the most precious thing we get ...

Your probly still in this as it's not long , post op .. and that makes our moods low too .. but get those feelings out ... that's a good thing ... scream / cry /rant ... and then when you've done that say .. but I'm still here ... life is what we make it ... so just turn that coin around and see the positives ...

Chrissie x

Oh Chrissie, thank you so much for your kind and wise words - what a lot you have had to cope with too, well done us! I do know how good it is to be alive, and I didn't wish to appear vain at 52 (I'm really not!) or ungrateful. I think it is the fact that the op was not necessary and I was not listened to more than anything else- and the result is several months of recovery and the scars.. I am grateful to my doctors too, I've been saved twice over, and maybe it's just too early yet to fully digest what just happened. I wasn't expecting to feel this low, I'm a bouncer-back (off to work tomorrow..) but this feeling has really hit me and I can't shake it for the moment. I can't show it at home because the hubs gets annoyed and my 11 yr old shouldn't have to deal with mum's dark thoughts, so I wait till they're asleep and cry in the bathroom. Thank you for listening, it helps enormously  X

That's the girl ... yes it's not fare ... it should have been sorted earlier ... there's no question .. but saying that they are just human, and errors will occur... when I had my masectomy , something wasn't joined up in the op .. and 3 A. M that next morning I was rushed to theatre with an internal bleed ... they got nearly 2 ltrs of blood from inside my chest ... but you know my lovely surgeon had fitted me in on a long line of ops that day .. can't believe I came through that .. but when my first surgeon walked in next day .. l just said .. thing's happen ... and I'm still here to tell the tail ....

I've had my scar opened 4 times now ... but hay ho ... maybe I'm a cat with 9 lives ... who knows .. now I'm looking at life so differently ... and even booked a holiday to Florida with my son and family for 9 months time ... the last thing on my bucket list is seeing my granddaughter Emily (in pic) see Mickey mouse ... the only trouble is I'd better think 9f something else for bucket list ... as we should never run out of dreams ...

You can do this .. oh my the journey you've had over 10 years ... I'd be well chuffed to get where you are now ... so just imagine your a shining example of pushing through anything ... you've done amazing .. so you yell and get angry all you want ... you deserve to let those feelings out ... but then jump back on the rollercoaster ride with us all ... and hold on tight ...

Here's to kicking cancers butt ... Chrissie x