Hi ya ...

Your quite normal ... that comes up sometimes on here ... I've even gone through that myself ... 

I think it's the same sinario when our young soldgers come back from war .. we're they were with their mates and a explosion happened .. those around him would die, and yet when they come home, everyone thinks they should be happy they survived. . When in truth, they thought WHY was I spared .. why should I go home when my mates diddnt .. then guilt ... then a deep sadness .. 

I'm confused too as I'm 64, had a grade 3 breast cancer .. and was sure my time was up ... yet here l am still going strong nearly 2 years later ... while other young fit ones loose their battle .. l can't get it strait in my head for a long time .. 

But now I think wer here for a reason .. to  try to help others .. to be kinder .. to make something of this gift we were given ... you can do so much for others now you know what it's like .. you've been there and got the tea shirt .. I look on it like "paying it forward" if we can help others in some way, no matter how small .. then youll know why your still here ... 

Like a lot of those soldgers who helped others to rehabilitate wounded soldgers ... hope that helps ..

Chrissie x

Hi,

what you say makes complete sense. I had cervical cancer 5 years ago now and like you; I was one of the lucky ones receiving the all clear and not needing follow up treatment.  Not long after my op I felt the feelings you describe, guilt. Why me?  Why was I ok and not so many of the others on my ward? 

Over the years, as your health improves you manage to lose the stigma of feeling like a cancer patient & eventually learn to not live in fear of it returning and focus on just counting each day a blessing. 

I can’t say I’m the same woman as I was pre cancer.  I became a lot less reluctant to tolerate things that made me unhappy or stressed and instead I found a voice I never knew I had.  In the best possible way I found that life was too short to accept second best & instead real happiness should be strove for and grabbed with both hands.

What I’m trying to say is regardless of the stage of your cancer, you most likely got a real taste of how quickly life can be snatched away.  Rather than let that awful feeling and guilt to be relieved to survive, grow roots and damage you emotionally; try to realise you’ve been given a second chance at happiness and make every second count. 

It’s not easy and you’ll have good days and bad. 5 years later one bad conversation has sent me into a spiral of thinking back and here I am.  We’re only human and can only try our best. 

Sending you all my love and best wishes for the future x