Hi Ness ... oh boy, you got it really hard and after all you've been through ... reading your thread, I thought maybe it could be normal for him to have a lot of weird feelings when it's new and your world turns upside down ... but now this far down the line, it could be the reason he's acting like this but it's not an excuse for such bad behaviour...

If you read your post and someone else put it on, what would you say to them ...  your the one that had cancer ... he sounds like he just feels sorry for his self ... l can't tell you what to do, but I know what I'd do and quickly ... so you start taking care of you ... you look after your heart ... you deserve better then to be treated like this ... sometimes we don't realise how sad a situation is till we stand back and look ..

Sending you a vertual hug ... Chrissie x

Hi Chrissie 

Thankyou for taking the time to reply to my post it really helps to get opinions from others.

It's a very sad situation, I feel I'm at a crossroads now and I need to do something I just can't feel like this anymore.

Thanks for the hug & the support x 

Hi hun

Well... it so saddened my heart to read your post. 

You have put up with so much whilst dealing with a very vulnerable time in your life. It is a credit to you that you have had the strength of character to emerge successfully from your treatment -  despite the chip chip chipping away at your self esteem, character nd soul. 

The journey is difficult enough without being undermined at every step. 

We cant tell u what t do. Love can be a strange thing. What I can say is however u move forward with this u undoubtedly have the strength to do whatever u need to do.. be that work things out or walk away. 

Take care me dear ️ X

Thankyou all for your replies each of them mean alot.

I'm hoping that someone who may of had a similar experience may have some pearls of wisdom.

Xx

Hi Ness

I just read your post now detailing your sadness regarding your husbands treatment of you during your illness. It pained me to read as  I too went through pure hell doled out by my partner when I underwent a bilateral mastectomy.. chemo and then a hysterectomy.  His cruelty was much harder than all the physical and mental pain the treatment caused. I am not in a position to break away and sometimes feel im going mad... not sure if this is down to tamoxifen or living a lie. Anyway i am trying to hold on to the things i am doing to address what i can now. Im seeing a counsellor and shes helping a lot. Im recognising that there are people who want to help and i am letting them. Im being honest with people i trust and i have stopping pretending my home is happy. I feel i have lost respect for myself as the real me wants to scream and say to him that he will never get the chance to be so cruel to me again but i dont have strength to do it. I fear if i get C again I will be at his mercy again. Anyway Ness I hope you are doing better.

Love lots.. you are not alone xx

Hi Inis

Thankyou so much for reaching out to me and sharing your story. 

Things are still not the same as b4 C it's all still very much up and down and I just don't know where I'm at.

I too feel that if the C came back I would once again go through the hell I did before.

I have had some sessions with a psychologist they didn't really help I'm now going to see about some sessions with relate for me and later on perhaps with my husband and children.

Mostly now my worry is for them and the impact my relationship is having on their wellbeing his relationship with my boys isn't great and getting worse.

I'm having my surgery in 6 weeks- in the back of my mind I worry ut will be as it was but perhaps this time I will tell him to get lost? 

Fingers crossed things continue to improve..

Love ness

Hi there lnis. .

Oh my, this cancer journey is hard enough , without someone like that ... they never change.. if hes that crule while your going through cancer, there's no chance of your life getting any better while with him ..

I don't know what hold he has over you ... but if there's a way out, I'd run like the wind .. you could always ask McMillan advice if you need help financially ... they have someone there to tell you the help you can apply for ... l stayed with someone for 27 years, preying he'd change ... he didn't...

The best thing I ever did was divorce him ... yes it was really hard, but I worked my socks off ... and the day I told him to go ... he left, and laughter came back ... it's your choice, but being on your own can't be as bad as what your going through now ... 

Do your homework, find out your options ... and don't tell him till you have a plan in place ... or stay ... but your not alone either ... you'll always find someone to offer a shoulder here .. 

Sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie xx