Hi Axetogrind,

Thank you for giving us a taste of all your poor wife went through since her breast cancer diagnosis. I am so sorry to see that she finally gave up the unequal fight last November and am sending you my sincere condolences.

You are quite right that despite all the advances in surgery, treatments and after care, there are still great strides to be made. I lost both of my parents and my father-in-law to cancer and have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself in the last 9 years.

My mum died 21 years ago and, there is just no comparison between the care she had and that which I have experienced. Sadly, my father-in-law died at the end of January, just 6 days after being diagnosed at the age of 97, 4 months to the day of when he lost his wife of 80 years.

How are you coping now? You still come across as a very positive person, despite all the heartache you’ve been through. I admire the fact that you can come on here and try to give hope to others despite all that you have been through.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hi Jolamine,

Watching my wife battle with that illness for the best part of two and a half years was soul destroying for me, but losing her beats that by a mile!  Here we are just over 3 months down the line and life is very tough without her, but over that time the raw edge has been taken off of the grief slightly.  I had 8 counselling sessions, and that probably helped me somewhat?

At first my vision was blurred by the onslaught of grief and all the negativity it brings with it, although I probably will never come to terms with her loss I am starting to learn how to accommodate it and carry it with me in my life.  Some days I think I can do it, and then others I'm not so sure, it's an ongoing thing!

 The overpowering feeling above all others is the frustration and anger that it was ultimately all out of our hands, I've questioned myself a hundred times with the 'what ifs' and I'm just gutted that the life we saw ahead of us will never turn out to be.  There are so many unanswered questions and it's frustrating that those questions will remain that way forever! She was only 46, had a husband and two kids and loved her life, it's just such a bitter pill to swallow that a life so good can suddenly turn so bad.

It breaks my heart to know that every day in this world there are people who get diagnosed with cancer,  I take a special interest in breast cancer now and it frustrates and upsets me that women are not able to routinely access the screening programme at an earlier age.  While my wife was in hospital there were women in their 20's 30's and 40's being treated for BC, it shouldn't be happening to all you lovely ladies.

The best advice I can give to you all is to read up about Triple Negative cancer and understand what treatments are out there for it, not to frighten yourselves, but to better educate yourselves so you can be armed with the information when discussing it with the oncologist. The doctors come out with all this technical jargon, and it isn't always easy to understand.  It's your body, your life and as good as the doctors are, never be afraid to question their decisions, or make suggestions yourself.  Ensure you are getting the best care for your individual needs, stay positive and keep going!

James x

Hi James,

When cancer is difficult it can be very hard and cruel. Losing the love of your life, along with all the hopes and dreams for the future, is never easy. I am glad to hear that you benefitted from all those counselling sessions. It must be especially difficult for you to keep upbeat for the sake of your children. If your wife was only 46, they cannot be that old. How have they been coping with the loss of their mum? It is still early days for you all and, you are bound to have both good and bad days.

You are quite right that it pays to educate ourselves about our own particular cancers, but without any medical background, this only serves to scare some people rigid when they look on the wrong sites and, only find the more spectacular stories with poor outcomes. I don’t have triple negative BC. I have a rare form of cancer called Mucinous BC. Only 1% of people get this and, it is very difficult to find out any information about it as a result. I have a para medical background, so am used to researching such things, but it was still difficult to separate the wood from the chaff.

Doctors don’t particularly like it when you are genned up and, can ask sensible questions or ask about certain treatments. I agree that everyone should question doctors when they don’t understand their jargon, but sadly few do. Many feel intimidated in the medical setting and just dry up. This is why I always advise that, where possible, people take someone else with them to their appointments.

It is so upsetting to see so many young women who should have their whole lives ahead of them fall prey to this horrendous disease. I hope and pray that, one day, there will be a cure. By then however, something else will have come along and, we shall be on a quest to find the solution to that instead.

I hope that, throughout the coming months and years you and your children can continue to move forward to the new life that has been thrust upon you. You will always hold a place for your wife deep in your heart and that is how it should be.

Thinking of you all and wishing you well.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi. 

Glad you're doing ok, keep positive you are half way through chemo not far to go now. 

Try and keep positive. 

Deb53

Hi Helen,

Welcome back to the forum.

I am just coming up to 10 years, but have had 2 bouts of breast cancer. The first in 2010 and, the second in 2011.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx