Hello NortonWebster15,

I am so sorry to hear of your dear Richard's passing.

Thinking of you and sending a warm hug your way - it is all so very sad.

X

Thank you, nobody knows what life will throw their way,  when you have lived with it, through it and try to continue after we know there are no guarantees. 

Xxxxx

Hello.

My Civil Partner passed away on Sunday, 5 March 2017, just 7 weeks and 2 days after being diagnosed with Hepatocellular Carcinoma. We had been together for 17 years and loved each other very much. Like many others we had felt that we would get round to registering our partnership, but never quite did until he was diagnosed. Then the Registrar, the Registrar General's Office in London, and the hospital to which he had been admitted were amazingly helpful and supportive and we were able to register our partnership without notice, and I thank all concerned most sincerely.

Our story began in 1977 when as a boy, my partner was a victim in a road traffic accident. As well as treatment for a badly broken leg, he received a blood transfusion. In those days, blood products were not tested as they are today, and the result was that the blood used was contaminated with what we now know was the Hepatitis C virus. He contracted the virus and there was no effective cure. Not until 2012, when a triple drug treatment was developed. He was one of the first to commence this treatment (a programme lasting 48 weeks and which had a number of quite nasty side effects) and at week 4 into the programme, the virus was not detected and hasn't been detected since. He was cured!

About twelve months later a small nodule was detected which did not show the definite features of HCC. As a precaution, that was detroyed by Radio Frequency Ablation and all seemed to be well once more. Then, following a further period of approximately 12 months, his regular routine MRI scans picked up another small nodule. These are not so unusual in a liver which has been affected by the Hepatitis C virus. This time, it was decided to assess my partner for a liver transplant. Because one cannot say how long it would be before a suitable liver became available for transplant, assuming he would be successful in getting on the transplant list, it was decided that again this further nodule would be ablated.

He completed the assessment for listing and was listed. This was followed by the second ablation. Shortly afterwards, at the end of April last year, he had his transplant. All went well, and we were so very happy. He then was seen regularly in clinic, and his blood tests were said to be very good. His inmune suppressant medication was gradually being reduced as was to be expected.

For the first time for a number of years, we started to plan holidays for 2017.

In November 2017, however, we thought he might have picked up a tummy bug - something not so unusual when taking suppressants, and this was mentioned to his consultant at his next appointment in December. Over the Christmas and New Year period, things were not improving and because I could not get a further appointment, I decided that we needed to force things and so I took him A & E. He was admitted, and after a few days of tests and treatment with antibiotics, a scan showed his liver had HCC was untreatable.

Our world fell apart, and so did I!

From then on, he just became skin and bones.

It was soul destroying to watch him deteriorate. My soulmate was dying and I could do nothing! Seven weeks and two days after being admitted, he passed away with me holding his hand and massaging his forehead.

Right now I am an emotional wreck, and everything that reminds me of him ... and there is so much ... reduces me to tears.

Life is so unfair. After winning so many battles, we had lost the war!

I just can't get out my mind the moment when he peacefully and painlessly passed away. It was a privilege and an honour to be with him right up the end, and I am so glad I was able to be there for him. As he passed away, I kissed him on his forehead and told him him I loved him.

I find life unbearable right now. Not just loss, but shock (positive turning to negative in one move) and on top of all that, anger! Life is not just painful, but it seems to have no meaning ... life is "nothingness" right now.