You have been through so much and I would recommend you give yourself and your brave face a break and seek some professional support to help deal with your feelings. This is also a good place to come to for support as people here to one degree or another can relate. It is normal to have the feelings you do, so just go with them and don't bottle them up. Take care x

Just thought i would share my experience. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2012. What an emotional roller coaster. I have been going for check ups ever since. Today i went for my 5 year check. I worked myself up into a real state the night before i was totally worrying myself to death. I went in and it was someone different. He didnt do things how i was used to but the end result was i am 5 years clear. I coulnt and still cant get my head around it. When i was told i was clear and didn't need to go back again i cried. Tears of joy. I dont know. Both the consultant and nurse were shocked but to me it was overwhelming. Walking out the nurse followed me thinking it was the consultant. She must hablve fed back to him as he came out of surgery to speak to me. He even gave me a hug. Dont lose hope x

Hello.  I am so sorry you have had, and are still having, such an awful time.  You have done very well to  come through it the way you have and you really shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. I do agree with Amme that you should get some help.  You could start with your GP who should be able to help, either with medication or referral for counselling.  Or what about contacting your dedicated Breast Care Nurse, or one of the big organisations, eg Cancer Research UK, Macmillan, or Breast Cancer Care. I have a little card from Breast Cancer Care which says 'no question too big or too small'  Their number is 0808 800 6000.  Please try one of these, I'm sure they will be able to help.  You have been through such a lot, you now need to be kind to yourself and ask for help from the experts.  Please let us know how you get on.  We're all with you.  X

So pleased you have had your 5 year all clear. I'm not surprised that you burst into tears, it has been a heck of a journey and you have got through it, who wouldn't be emotional?   I think also there is a feeling of being cast adrift on your own after having the support, regular checks and all that this entails.  I have only had a first year check so am a way behind you, but after my radiotherapy ended and I had my three month check and was told to come back for my first annual check, I felt a bit emotional as from first hospital referral to the three month check I think in total I had 31 visits to doctor, hospitals, for x-rays, scans, pre-op, radiotherapy etc etc, (not necessarily in that order!) and suddenly that was over, and I felt emotional then, so can only imagine how you feel.  I think it is very understandable and normal in our circumstances.  But well done you, now you can enjoy the rest of your life without that black cloud hanging over you.  Keep in touch.  X

thegirlsat73 You have failed no one! BrendaS gave some excellent advice and contact numbers. Please seek some support, we have all needed it and you must make your physical and emotional wellness top priority. Keep in touch and let us know how you get on x

I'm glad it's not just me sometimes I think there is something wrong with me amd I shouldn't be like this. It's weird as like you I hate change. Anything different and it freaks me out big time anxiety and everything. I hate confrontation and arguments and will do anything to diffuse situations like that's as life is just to short. I was wold when I saw my oncologist in 2012 for the first time in the January when I got diagnosed I had a 40% chance of seeing Christmas as had gone into my lymph nodes and was that big and aggressive that you could see he lump on my breast.. I just need somewhere like here to chat to when I'm feeling low and it's nice to know I'm not the only one down the line still feeling like I do. thank you so much xxx 

I will do thank you so much xx

Only diagnosed last year myself, but if you have no one else to share your problems with,then, then vocalise on this forum and maybe someone can share something helpful.

Good luck