Hi Eunice,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my dad just over a year ago.  He had been ill for 7 years and I think I probably grieved without knowing it for a lot of that time, certainly the last couple of years or so before he died.  You're dear mum only had 4 months before she died, and although, like you say, you probably grieved most of that 4 months, that is such a short amount of time in a grieving process.  All the feelings and emotions you are going through now are all completely normal and part of the stages of grieving.  There is an organisation called Cruse Bereavement Care that I used to volunteer for.  It is a not-for-profit charity run by volunteers.  The volunteers are trained in bereavement and if you contact them they can arrange for a bereavement supporter to come to your home once a week over a number of weeks (it is all free).  They are a listening ear.  Someone who is totally unrelated to you and anyone you know.  It is completely confidential, there is no note keeping, and is purely for someone to support you through this really difficult time.  You can tell the supporter all your worries and concerns and feelings without worrying that it will go any further.  I found that we are surrounded by everyone at the time when we lose someone, but then they all have their lives to go back to and we are left still grieving and wanting to talk about it but equally don't want to burden anyone.  The website if you want to look it up is www.cruse.org.uk. It's a really useful site even if you don't think it is for you. I hope this helps you. Grief and bereavement can make you feel like you're going mad.  Please be assured that everything you are going through right now is completely normal and don't hesitate to message me again if you've got any questions or want to chat some more. xxx