Hi there

Just replying helps, thank you. I guess we are all on this journey, some get over it better and quicker  than others. 

Marian 

Hi Marian,

I'm pretty sure PTSD is quite common in both cancer patients and their carers but, as some of the symptoms overlap with both depression and anxiety, it is under-diagnosed. 

I've worked in a war zone (not in the front line but close enough to be paid danger money), been the son of a cancer patient and am now a cancer patient and found the first experience far easier to cope with, at least I was sharing the experience with others and the group camaraderie helps get everyone through, whereas cancer can often feel like a very lonely experience. 

I guess it all depends on the individual experience, your state of mind and what else is going on in your life at the time. 

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Marian, thanks for posting this topic. I believe it would be fair to say that most of us suffer from PTSD at diagnosis of cancer and the following treatments, surgeries, etc. Getting the diagnosis alone can be earth-shattering; add in the treatments and the trauma from them and we have a perfect recipe for PTSD. I know I for one was in total shock for at least 6 months after diagnosis. While in this state of shock, I had major surgery followed by chemotherapy that almost killed me. (They had to stop the treatments half way through because I was so sick.) That was 6 and a half years ago and the nightmare is continuing to this day with several recurrances, surgeries and treatments. At this point I can't be "cured" and they are now just trying to keep me alive. PTSD? for sure!  A nightmare that never ends? for sure!

This is the thing that non diagnosed persons don't understand. Living with cancer, (or dying with it) is just that; one long nightmare! Those of us that have it mostly suffer emotionally in private. Non diagnosed people just don't want to be reminded that they could be next so to keep them comfortable, we suffer in silence.

I have lost family and extended family members, as well as several friends to cancer. It wasn't pretty for sure and although I tried to be supportive and caring to them (I hope they felt that I was), I had no idea what they were going through. This is what I try to remember now that I'm the one suffering with cancer. I have some friends, (yes, and some family members) who keep their distance because they can't deal with it and they don't know how to be supportive and caring and they don't even try. That's fine. Someday they may find themselves in my shoes.

One thing I find with treatments/ procedures, etc. is that doctors/nurses/other medical personnel don't seem to understand how painful some of these treatments and procedures are, or if they do, they don't show it. I get that they have to keep their emotions in check, but come on, if they showed some empathy for what we have to endure, perhaps it would take some of the edge off it. Just my opinion.

In any case, this cancer journey is not one I would wish on my worst enemy. This is why this forum is so special to us; we know that the people reading our posts fully understand what our experience is like.

Thanks for raising this very important topic and from me to all of you - one big virtual group hug!!!

Lorraine    

Hi Marian, I had to have counselling after finishing my treatment.  After 10 months of treatment, lumpectomy, mastectomy, chemo, radiotherapy, herceptin and then it al, finishes you wonder what is normal! I felt my life revolved around my hospital appointments and then you feel abandoned. 

Having counselling helped me to cope. I was still the same person but different, I now don't do anything unless I want to whereas before I might have done it to keep people happy. Don't feel guilty about the way you feel you have been through a lot. Talking about it helps and I think only other people who have had cancer can understand. 

Hooe this helps a little.

Angela

Hi Lorraine

You sum up quite well the reality of having cancer and interacting with those that don't. Many former friends and relatives stay away, they can't cope with your diagnosis, don't know what to say, or maybe its a grim reminder to them that they could be in your shoes someday. I've got to the point now I don't really care, come and visit or stay away, I don't have the energy to spend fretting about it. I often cope by the "head in the sand approach" it can go away for a few days, but usually brought up short by the next letter that drops through the letter box inviting you to your next appointment. I don't know if the hospital staff know just how painful the procedures can be, I'm pretty tough but have shed a tear with pain many times, so they must have a fair idea. I suspect they have to detach themselves when they stick a needle in say your nose or behind your eye or they would not make that decisive motion, this could end up damaging you. But I have had genuine empathy from nurses and doctors when I've been rock bottom, just holding your hand or a kind word does make a huge difference.

I had no idea you have been through 6 years of this endless round of cancer and treatment, the term PTSD  doesn't describe just how awful this experience is. Sending you lots of good wishes Kim

Hi Kim, I think we do reach a point where it becomes too draining to continue "holding everyone else up" when we barely have the strength to hold ourselves up. I just let it go and try to keep myself going because the fatigue of it all is more than I can cope with most days. There have been many times in the past 6 years that I just felt like saying the heck with it all and stopped putting myself through all of this stuff, but then I think of the times in between surgeries, treatments, etc. that I do have some quality of life. The worst part of all this is that I'm not afraid of being dead but I am afraid of getting from here to there as I've watched so many loved ones take that journey. As a matter of fact, I plan to request "Assisted Death" when my condition becomes intolerable. Here in Canada, the Supreme Court has just passed a law allowing people with intolerable illness to have access to it, but of course, there are very stringent conditions that have to be met. A lot of people don't believe in it, but many loved ones of mine would have done anything in those last days to end it, and I held their hands and cried right along with them during those times.

In any case, I'm so glad I have this forum to come to where I know people on here really understand what its' like to walk this road. Take care everyone and as I said before, we'll hold hands together and support each other on this journey that none of us would choose to be on.

Hugs everyone

Lorraine 

Thank you for replying Dave. I hope you" journey" is as goos as it can be for you x