Hi, I'm thinking that too, six months on from losing my own dad to lung cancer. He was such a huge impact on my life and we had absolute respect and admiration for each other. He was taken too soon, when I feel I had so much more to show him. I also think about marrying someone without dad there, not giving my dad the joy of grandkids. I too didn't get to stay goodbye as he died while asleep and I never feel I really let him know how much he means to me. But of course I'm sure he knew it already. At first I was quite openly upset but lately I find myself feeling the need to be alone when upset. It's also human nature to emote to those closest to you. I have often vented frustration towards the ones that have been the most supportive. They themselves having suffered loss to cancer may be more understanding, whereas others just don't know what to do to help (it's neither there fault nor yours). Just have to try and talk it over and support each other, it's tough but stick with it. Had you talked it over with your doctor at all? I have had depression before dad was diagnosed, and when he passed away I went back on to Fluoxetine tablets. Of course it won't take all the pain away completely, but it helps to take the edge off, and at least encourages more positive emotions. I'll probably be on them for at least a year when I can slowly come off them again. Might be worth a try to help out. I also joined a gym as they say exercise can suppress those feelings. It's given me a bit of a thing to focus my mind on. In the last week I also finally started putting up some pictures of dad. Before it was too painful, but now aside from still having those moments of staring at him looking back at me and missing him so much, it's also there to honour having such a great person in my life. My mum does the same and sometimes talks to hers for comfort. Mum also went to counselling up until finally laying his ashes to rest, which seems to have helped her, it often seems like she's doing better than me, but I'm still not sure if counselling is right for me yet. I hope these give you some ideas to work with to ease the pain. People keep saying time is a healer, including people that have also lost loved ones to cancer. I think it will take a long time yet for me, albeit small steps have been made in coping since he went in January. Let's keep going, be strong, for dad. Steve.