I joined this wonderful forum almost 4 years ago under the name 'Greeneyes' when my boyfriend was going through a recurrance of TC.

There were a lot of people on this forum that were so welcoming and supportive when I joined. Shout out to Jules54 and Sofia! I was so deeply saddened to read about Jo. She was so kind and supportive to me and I wish her family every comfort during this hard time. She was a very special lady and she touched my life when I needed it the most.  

I haven't been on this forum for a while but just to catch everyone up: My boyfriend and I are still together! I guess that is one for the books and it seems to buck the trend of the 'shut out girlfriends club' but here we stand united 4 years on. We still love each other and have gone through multiple relapses of cancer in the last few years. It's been a hard and lonely road filled with to sort of stuff that I sincerely wish no person EVER had to go through.

We had our ups and downs both with cancer and in our relationship. It was hard. So hard. Love is a powerful force and cancer is the most soul crushing enemy to deal with. Suffice to say it has been an epic battle the last few years.

My beloved is now almost a year free of cancer and we are going to start a family! :D Crazy right? I never would have thought that we would get to this place but here we are! And it is the very best thing ever! I am happy, excited aaaaaannnnnnddddd downright terrified that it will be snatched away from me. Some people have nightmares about monsters chasing them, or being naked infront of a crowd of people. My nightmare is a constant fear of cancer and my love and our plans for a family being stolen from me. I have learnt that life is not fair, but that it is certainly packed full of good and sweet moments that are worth every bit of pain we endure. I guess the next few months, nay, YEARS are going to be a case of me really focussing on enjoying each moment rather than entertaining fear. I find that 2-3am in the morning is the very worst time for fear to eat at me. Wish I could sleep through the night, that's somehow an ability that I lost the last few years.

So, that is my update. We're still together, still kicking, still happy together and still making the most of what life has given us. I couldn't imagine the journey we have been on when I first came here 4 years ago but I cannot thank this forum enough. You guys game me strength right at the beginning and it's a strength that I needed.

All my love and best wishes to all of you and your families.

Greeneyes