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how do I get my marrige back after Cancer

RB212
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After surviving stage 4 bowel cancer, My surgeon was confident that a reversal of my colostomy was possible, after a few false starts I was finally admitted for surgery on Sept 30th, unfortunately there is too much damage and a reversal is not possible and I shall live life with a colostomy bag!!  My husband has been with me every step of the way over the last 2 years, every chemo treatment, ever scan and every visit to the consultants.           While I know he has deep feelings for me, the affection had gone, there is no kissing or hugging, no physical contact or anything else!! (We were always very very affectionate prior to the cancer)  and while we talk about day to day things this discussion seems to be taboo. I would like any advice pissible.

 

 

 

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    Hi RB212

    My partner had a similar op Ileostomy but for Chrohns disease, It takes a lot  of getting used to, psychologically and physically, the routine of having a bag, the dietary restrictions accidents and so on. I felt that she did not want to be intimate so held off at arms length respecting what I thought were her wishes. As she said she often felt dirty or smelly. However this is not what she wanted at all, with her thinking I had just gone off of her due to the bag. We are back to where we were before the op possibly stronger together, So you really do have to talk, get professional help if you need it. Kim

     

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    Hi RB212,

    I have a permanent ileostomy as a result of bowel Cancer and it took my partner and I, many months to resume an affectionate / intimate relationship. This was mainly down to my 'hang up' about having a bag. I joined a closed Facebook group called The Colostomy Association and I realised I was not alone. Reading about others in a similar situation helped (there were even tips and advice about having an intimate relationship with a bag) 

    If it's just the affectionate side of things like hugging or kissing that you'd like to happen, could you write a letter to your husband, explaining how you feel and what you miss in your relationship? Maybe he'd be willing to write a letter to you explaining what he misses. 

    Kim has given you good advice about seeking professional help and this could be through Macmillan or referral to a counsellor by your GP. 

    I hope you manage to find a solution and do post on here as often as you need to. 

    Jo x

     

     

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