Hi Pauline, welcome to the forum, but sorry for why you're here. My heart goes out to you at this terrible time in your life. We wonder why life has to be so hard for some people, but it often is. You don't say where you live or how old you are, but I have to wonder what services may be available for you at this time. Surely there is something that would allow you to not work outside the home and give you a chance to take better care of yourself with this illness. You seem so lonely too. Do you have family and/or friends around you as you cope with the challenges of this disease? Living with cancer is hard enough when supports are in place to take care of expenses and the challenges of every day living with it, but when one has to work along with all of that, it must be overwhelming for you.

Is it possible for you to speak with your doctor or medical team to see what possible community supports could be made available to you? Does your place of employment have a long term sick leave policy in place for employees in your situation? I'm glad you reached out to the forum for emotional support as there are people on here who understand what you're going through. Please stay in touch with us and let us know how you are getting along. Do try to find out what kind of help you can get with this. Perhaps if you contact the nurses on this forum, either at the phone number at the bottom of this page, or you can post in the category "Ask the Nurses" they may be able to point out some ways for you to get help.

Take care and sending you hugs.

Lorraine     

Hi Pauline, i can relate to you not being able to see that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel,i had stomach cancer back in 2009 i had chemo then surgury i had half of my stomach removed plus seven inches removed of the asophagus.I had to be peg fed and lost lots of wieght.Time will heal your body and mind .I think you should ask your doctor for cal-shots to help gain weight this helped me.I was able to returned to work six months after treatment on phase return and with surport I feel the problem is people see the out person and may not understand what your body has had to deal with .Yes i did feel down at times but keep going ask for surport you may find a group to join who may understand more .I hope i have  given you some hope .Take care Susie10