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Treatment complete ,still feel the cancer will return.

brewster
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Had the lung surgery ,had the mop up chemo .Trying to be positive but still have the feeling cancer has not gone ,Doctors tell me I have a good chance of a cure as I was diagnosed early with lung cancer,however it was in two of my lymph nodes and it was in my vessels .I am not living in exact fear but can't shake off that it is inevitable that this cancer will return meaning more awful chemo or treatment programme .At the moment I am planning a holiday prior to my 3month check as I feel it could return really early.I also feel that my negative attitude may encourage its recurrence ,how do you feel positive once you have had treatment for cancer ?Does anyone else feel like this ?

At the moment I have just finnished chemo 3 weeks ago so still have a few side effects going on ,ie numb feet ,nobbly sore veins hot flushes and sleepless nights aches and pains ,thinking of early retirement 55yrs as I don't want to waste my remaining time working but even that is turning into a tortutous decision.Just going to get another sick note for ?4weeks whilst I am restling with all these things .Just feel getting ill like this came out of the blue ,as I was been investigated for joint pain HPOA ,I knew I had a health problem but just assumed it was some sort of arthritis never dreamed that I had lung cancer ,I exercised, never smoked and i had just dieted to lose a stone in weight slowly.The reason I think the cancer might not have gone is because my original joint pain has started to recurr in my ankles .This could be a chemo effect as it does odd things to you that no one can really explain.Half the time I don't even think my oncologist knows any answers she just tell me a good chance of a cure(I want to believe her) but no guarantees  which I understand but in actual fact I want a guarantee .So there ! Apologies for my irrational rant.Anyone else feel like this?

  • Offline in reply to Horse

    Hi there Sounds as though we were diagnosed at about the same time. I don't seem to get the anxiety as much as I did thankfully. I still worry all the time but it's not so intense so you see it does get better. You wonder why you're still like this and I wonder the same. You'd think we would be over the moon and counting our lucky stars ! I think it's because no -one has given us any guarantees which of course they can't. I suppose we just have to wait for it to pass. Was yours found with a routine mammogram ?

  • Offline in reply to marian

    I found the lump myself, bit of a shock that, went into denial for 2 days and then rushed to the Doctor, then my life was turned upside down, but I got through everything as you did.

    We were living in Spain at the time and I couldnt have asked for better treatment, the only problem there wasnt any support or groups to join (we were on a small island) my lovely husband did his best bless him.

    Yes the anxiety will passand I have my ups as well as my downs, bit down at the moment, but that too shall pass as they say, thanks for replying Marian

  • Offline in reply to Horse

    Hi there It's really tough for the other halves too isn't it. Mine was brilliant, all the way through and continues to be.

    Do you ever wonder how , it seems, everyone else gets over it so quick  ? I'm not one of those people that has come through this wanting to travel the world, do something daring and adventurous. I just want my family, my friends and my home. I know that my family are surprised by this. What I want more than anything is peace of mind and security. I'm sure there must be someone out there like me !?!

     

  • Offline in reply to marian

    Hi Marian, yes I do wonder how other people cope and like you I definately dont want to conquer the world, just my own little corner of it, one of the reasons we returned to live in England was to be near family (my daughter lives round the corner - she has been a godsend) Perhaps that also has something to do with my age (63), not that age has anything to do with breast cancer, it targets anybody at any age - heh ho we are still here to talk about it and to support, best thing I did was find this forum - now I know there are other like minded people out there

  • Offline in reply to Horse

    See I knew I couldn't be the only one ! I'm 56, diagnosed at 52. I'm so grateful for the 50+ mammogram, as that's how they found it.I have an appointment on the 2nd so as usual I'm beginning to get a bit anxious and feeling little aches and pains everywhere ! 

    Are you able to examine yourself inbetween appts ? I find it so very very difficult ?

  • Offline in reply to marian

    Hi Marion, No I dont examine myself anymore, the first couple of years I did, but no more, I cant bring myself to do so, I look in the mirror every now and then but rely on my mammograms every year now, maybe when I have finished the letrozol I will start again.

    Did you have reconstruction? I had an implant on the right and an uplift on the left, boobs as were before children - a bonus I guess.

    Embrace the anxiety, its only adrenalin, use it to your advantage, go throw stones at something, break something and then sleep!!!  That was so easy to say, will have to put that into practise myself, junk shops for old china here I come.

    Talking on here and knowing there is someone else out there who feels the same as I do has made me feel so much better, so thankyou Marian, you have been a godsend, take care

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