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Need some help/advice please :)

lolita-x
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Hello everyone,

I feel helpless and need some help.

I have a boyfriend who was diagnosed with lymphoma in January.  He was, luckily, only diagnosed with stage 1 of lymphoma, and was set to go through chemotherapy for 3 months. We had dated for about a month and then he was diagnosed. Within 2-3 months, we decided to give a relationship a try, because we both loved each other too much to not be with each other. I still, to this day, do not regret this decision. But, his disease, his illness and all his treatments has pretty much been a consisting factor throughout our entire relationship and throughout this entire 2015.

And here’s where my problem comes in. I’ve been doing fine these past months, standing by his side, but now I feel that this picture is starting to fade because of my sexual needs. I am a sexual woman and I need to be satisfied, and I’m completely aware of the fact that this has had to be a down priority for the last months.  But now that his treatment is over (it ended in late April), I thought it would be somewhat different. I know things aren’t going to change overnight, but still. We’ve had sex during these last couple of months, but now it has gotten to a point where it is unbearable for me to have this little sex because I am so in love with him, and all I want his him. All the time.  We have talked about this, and he says that he still doesn’t feel anything near his usual sexual drive, but it has come to a point where it is bothering me so much that I don’t know what to do. I’ve caught myself looking at other men, reevaluating our relationship…. I’m afraid I jumped in to this relationship too much, too fast.

I’m therefore considering taking a break for him so I can satisfy my sexual needs. It’s Summer and I don’t want to sit inside and dry out, fading, waiting for something that might never happen with my boyfriend, and maybe try again in a couple of months when he is back to his more self. I basically feel like a ticking bomb. I love him, but I love me more.

Have anyone of you experienced this with your loved ones? How did you solve it and what do you recommend me to do?

Thank you so much for all of your help :)

  • Offline

    Hi Lolita,

    You have been very brave to ask this question. I'm the last person in the World to give out relationship advice but by coincidence I've spent the last 3 days at a conference and one of the topics was survivorship. One of the speakers was a survivor of an adolescent cancer and he said that his quality of life, including an increase in both energy levels and libido, improved after he started receiving testosterone supplements. 

    Your boyfriend might want to discuss this with his medical team as an option.

    Good luck to you both.

    Dave

  • Offline in reply to davek


    Hello Dave,

    Thank you so much for your reply, I really appriciated it. And thank you for complimenting my on my bravery, I really appriciate it because yes, Im not someone who is very open and I like to keep things within myself and cope with them on my own, but I've discovered that in this case, it's only going to make it worse.

    Don't worry about your position of giving out advice, if it is any help; I found it very helpful. Sounds like a good idea to me to discuss these supplements with him. I know my boyfriend's energy level has been low too, so this sounds promising.

    I think I will give it a try over the weekend (as we hang out almost everyday), and if I still feel the same, I will definitely confront this with him.

    Hope to hear more advices, I'm really in a deadlock here. I find it so incredible, and I feel so humble, when someone takes the time to sit down and read about my situation and my feelings and give me advice, you have no idea :)

  • Offline

    Hi lolita

    Dave has given you some promising advice if its something your boyfriend is happy to consider.

    Every relationship is very different as are everybody's sexual needs.  I was a long married wife when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. The disease took its toll on both of us but I was lucky enough to have had the privilege of his company for so many years that just being there for him was enough. Having mis-matched libido levels can cause issues even in healthy couples but I wish you well and hope if you both love each other so deeply you can find a way through the present problems you are facing.  As to an opinion on your possible plans to look elsewhere to satisfy your needs, I am not sure if this would help or hinder any future relationship you would hope to have with your current boyfriend; only the two of  you can decide that. 

    All the very best to  you both and I hope your boyfriend's treatment is successful and that he can  live a full a happy life in the future.  Jules54

  • Offline in reply to davek

    Sorry im new on here havent got a clue how this works hard enough working this phone haha 

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