Good morning Mumofgirls, I wanted to say that I have never ever felt so lonely as this. I have Leukemia, and have not had ANY help or support from any person through my diagnosis 1 year 9 months ago. I don't even open my front door to anyone any more. The only people that understand are others in the same position. I live with my X, our relationship is over.

Please ring the Samaritans any time 24 hours a day on 116 123 FREE. 

Contact your Doctor as I did, and got free cancer Psychiatry with the NHS (It took a while to start) but it helps to let the trauma inside your head. I am hoping the Doctor can give you something to help you switch off, and sleep?

Macmillan support line 7 days a week 8am until 8pm. 0808 808 00 00. (Oh Macmillan has a cancer buddy system, Someone calls you once a week at the same time to chat, I have had 6 weeks, and the lady was amazing. 'A Breath Of Fresh Air!

I understand wanting your old life back to be happy. 

Don't argue with your husband, I was wasting so much energy arguing with my X (Who I live with.)

If you can get out (Obviously depending on your health?) Try to get out there with nature, and have a coffee out.

Much love sent to you 

Cathy x

Thank your reply and understanding. It’s just so much to deal with. I know I’m actually one of the lucky ones as was given the all clear but I feel I am unable to move on.

I had a wle on my shin and sentinel lymph node removal in January. Recovery has been slow and then I was admitted again for 5 days last month to have my groin reopened as had an infected seroma so recovering started over again, with the drain only being removed 3 weeks ago after being in for 13 days. 

In the last 14 weeks I’ve had 2 separate operations, (3 if you count the 2 they did on same day initially) 4 wound sites to heal, as had a drain when re admitted, 2 telephone consultations, 7 hospital visits and a 5 day stint in hospital.

Other than the all clear, everything that could have gone wrong and worse case scenario happened. 

I’m on 3 month checks and constantly live in fear of going though this all over again.

It is a lot to deal with I know. 

I think you need to talk to your Consultant or Doctor to get referred for Psychiatry with the NHS cancer Psychiatrists. It is so scary but unless you go through any kind of cancer diagnosis, and trying to learn to live with cancer, and how it has affected you personally you have so much to process in your mind? I have been through hell, and still not living the life I had before. It is a lonely place, but others (Including myself) feel they can no longer cope too. 

I know you have the added problem (Like I do) with your relationship, and find you resent other people. If I am honest I will say I find people hard to deal with now, except my Psychiatrist who has been a God Send helping me to move on from the past, and learning to live with today. 

You have had so many times going in, and out of hospital. That must be awful for you, but we need the Professionals to help us if they can?

I am on what they call Watch and Wait, it started every 3 months, and went to every 6 months now. I know we live in fear of what's round the corner. But remember we always think we are on our own going through this, there are so many people nowadays dealing with cancer, and how it affects your life, and your relationships with people.